With back to school season upon us, this is the time of year I get lots of inquiries from parents about their kids and organizing.
A reader recently emailed me this question:
Hi Ariane,
Do you work with children? I have a friend who recently asked:
I was wondering if you help children learn how to be more organized. My daughter had an auditory delay which affects other aspects of her life, especially organization. I'm working on it and wondered if you had any suggestions.
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My Response:
Thank so much for thinking of me! I'm truly honored.
I have worked with children, but I no longer work in people's homes. Usually I work with parents to coach them to let go of their own organizing preferences and learn how to facilitate their child to learn to organize in a way that fits the child's unique needs. That is usually the most effective and long term approach.
9 times out 10, I find that children naturally love to organize, even the ones with the seemily "really intense ADHD." Organizing when done with love and an attitude of fun and creativity is very soothing to people with ADHD. We CRAVE structure, even as we seem to resist it. What we don't like is inflexible structure. Every child I ever worked with really wanted to organize and when approached with patience, in a non-pressuring way that allowed them to be themselves, actually enjoyed organizing. By encouraging them to harness their distractibility by making the process intriguing and allowing them to experiment and play with organizing, instead as process of "following rules, steps and instructions", they loved organizing.
It's actually much easier to work with kids than adults because trying to convince adults that organizing can be fun is not easy. They want it done "fast" so they add pressure to the situation. And that always backfires and ends up creating resistance and making the process slower. Logically it seems that if you pressure it will go faster, but that simply isn't true.
Often the parent, without realizing it, is pressuring the child to organize and do things the way the parent wants things done. Instead of asking questions and taking the time to patiently facilitate the child to learn their own organizing style, and play with organizing, they "tell" the child how to do it and give rules and punish them for not doing it right. I know this because most of the chronically disorganized adults I work with tell me about experiences like this every day. And I've personally witnessed parents do this so many times it breaks my heart.
Thus, coaching the parent to be more "agile" in their expectations and process is usually the real need.
Outside of my usual coaching work which is a 3 month commitment, I do personal consults with parents and professionals via video. Let me know if you or your friend would like further personal guidance on this.
Wishing you and your children much success in navigating the art of using organizing to design a lifestyle that fits you both.
Much love,
Ariane
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