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June 30, 2010


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This is great, Ariane--participating in your group class and speaking with you 1-on-1 has really put my perfectionism and its consequences front and center in my consciousness recently.

You told me during a session (and I'm paraphrasing here) that it sounded like I do way more than my share of work projects because I don't believe in myself enough to just do my piece and then let others shoulder their share of the burden. That was a real epiphany for me, especially since I struggle so much with time management in my work as a consultant.

I've been incrementally testing this out, sending work to my collaborators that isn't 'finished-finished' (my usual standard), but instead leaving room for them to add what they're supposed to be contributing. So far, so good--it's happening in baby steps, but I'm really happy to be making a change that may meaningfully change my work life for the better.

I also saw it yesterday when I took my first dance class in a style I hadn't studied before, and the other 3 students had been taking the class for a couple of years. I almost felt like I wanted to cry the whole time because I was so 'bad at it'--and I knew so well in my head how ridiculous that was, and that I didn't want to transform something joyful (dance and music) into something punishing. It is really stunning how much perfectionism can invade every corner of your life and wreak havoc unless you stay mindful about questioning it.

Thanks again!

Vijaykumar Tandale

i liked this idea of yours

Ariane Benefit, M.S.Ed.

Vijaykumar - Thank you for letting me know! : )


The "Yeah but..." is a great way to change the perspective of a negative situation and seeing the same event from a much better light. Great tip!

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