NEAT & SIMPLE LIVING with Ariane Benefit, Organizing Coach

High IQ Is No Help For Those With ADHD who Underachieve

The article below highlights the very real downside of having ADHD in a world that isn't very accepting of people who are different from them.

Not being able to do certain things as others expect us to like: be on time all the time, or get ourselves to follow through on our plans easily, or even get up early in the morning, can cause ADDers (even those with High IQs who do accomplish a lot) to feel like we can never really live up to our "potential." 

In fact, this pervasive sense of underachieving haunts most ADDers constantly.  It is one of the defining traits used to diagnosis ADD.  And, it is a source of profound grief that often leads to chronic depression and anxiety among ADDers. This is partly why ADD is often misdiagnosed and is actually VERY under diagnosed in Adults. (Another reason being the myth that children "outgrow" ADHD.) 

Growing up with undiagnosed ADD in an environment that does not value the gifts of ADD, but focuses instead on punishing and criticizing the differences and our inability to conform to other's values is inherently traumatic.  Years of trying to please parents, teachers and bosses who with good intentions try to "fix" something that can't be fixed easily leaves the individual with an underlying sense of hopelessness and innate "not good enough-ness" that can be paralyzing in and of itself.  

The thing is that ADD can't and never will be "cured" or "fixed".  It is a different kind of brain!  it can only be accomodated, managed and/or minimized with treatments such as education / awareness, right brain - left brain integration strategies, stress reduction, exercise and other self-care strategies, and custom organizing and time management structures / systems / approaches co-designed with the ADDers active participation. And yes, sometimes medication is needed as well.   

In a recently released book called Getting Unstuck: Unraveling the connection between Depression, Attention, and Trauma , the author Dr. Don Kerson, says that being "stuck" is the result of a complex interaction between depression, attention deficit disorder and dissociation (a consequence of childhood trauma caused by living with ADD and the chronic negative feedback that comes with it).

The more I read this book the more I understand why I was so motivated and actually COMPELLED to create my coaching group called Getting Unstuck. Stuckness is a different thing from procrastination and the treatment is much more complex that glib tips like "Just Do it".  The treatment for stuckness is complex.  It includes biological, bio-chemical, environmental and organizational changes as well as exercises to heal and stimulate integration of the right brain and left brain (AKA the Planner and the Doer funtions of the brain as Dr. Kerson points out).

Effective treatment also requires ongoing support and understanding from people who accept you as you are...and who can help you release the shame and pain of years of chronic and constant negative feedback from both others and yourself for not being able to do things the way others do. 

People don't realize it, but years of being told: 

•  you think too much,

• you try too hard...

• you ask too many questions,

• why can't you just do it?  Why can't you just clean your room?  or get out of bed when the alarm goes off?  or follow the instructions I gave you?  or hang up your clothes?  follow that diet program? etc.

and on and on...is in itself traumatic and has profound consequences.  These are negative and painful messages that say "if you need more details than I do in order to act on something, there is something very wrong with you."  To the child and adult hearing those messages over and over again - that means "unloveable" and that has devastating consequences. 

When parents, teachers, friends and bosses say things like that to someone, they don't realize that the recipient hears those messages constantly and from LOTS of people - over and over again - at home, on job performance reviews, even from their doctors!  And it all adds up to magnify the condition of ADD and compound it with very low self-esteem.

I highly recommend Dr. Kerson's book...and in fact, it is now what I consider a foundational theoretical underpinning for my coaching group. Thank you Dr. Kerson for adding a layer of understanding from the field of psychiatry and mental health that I've been working on from an organizational  and educational perspective. Your insights and work are much appreciated!

Getting Unstuck: Unraveling the connection between Depression, Attention, and Trauma

____________________________

And Here's the article that inspired me to write this....

Medical News Today
High IQ Is No Help For Those With ADHD, Yale Researchers Find
19 May 2009

Article URL: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/150478.php

Superior intelligence is no defense against the effects of attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder, Yale researchers have found.

About three of four ADHD individuals with an IQ of more than 120 - a score that ranks them in the top nine percent of the U.S. population - showed significant impairments in memory and cognitive tests when compared to people with similar IQ's who do not suffer from the disorder, according to the researchers.

The report, to be published in the September print edition of the Journal of Attention Disorders, is now available online.

"Many of these people are told they can't be suffering the loss of executive function (the ability to plan and carry out many day-to-day tasks) from ADHD because they are too smart,'' said Thomas E. Brown, assistant professor of psychiatry at the Yale School of Medicine and lead author of the study.

The high-IQ, ADHD group lacked self-management skills and the ability to focus. They tended to procrastinate and be forgetful and had difficulty in harnessing their talent to complete many daily tasks, the study found. In fact, 73 percent of the ADHD population showed significant deficits in five or more of the eight measures of executive function.

"Each of these individuals might be compared to a symphony orchestra of very talented musicians who cannot produce adequate symphonic music because the orchestra lacks an effective conductor," the authors wrote.

Philipp C. Reichel and Donald M. Quinlan of Yale are co-authors of the paper.

Source
Yale University

My Top 10 Tips for Clutter-Free Living

Can you really ever be clutter-free? Well, probably not. I mean, who has time to obsess constantly about whether or not there is clutter somewhere in your house? We all have some clutter, after all, we are human!  I have found there is a certain degree of "clutter" or mess that just doesn't bother me. It's more important to me to live than to make sure I'm tidy all the time.  Things don't interfere with my life unless they are in my way of using my space and getting important things done.  Having containers full of memorabilia in my attic is not a nuisance unless I can't walk around in my attic. The important thig is that I have strategies will keep things in balance and not let it get overwhelming.

According to Merriam-Webster, to clutter is:

"to fill or cover with scattered or disordered things
 that impede movement or reduce effectiveness."

If you have clutter that keeps getting in your way, and significantly impedes your ability to be effective, or to have company in your home, it's time to get serious about letting go.  But doing it all at once is not always an option, nor is it recommended. There is a grieving process we go through as we let go of things...and letting go of too much too fast could be overwhelming.  If we get overwhelmed, we'll avoid letting go in the future, so better to do it chunks that we can feel good about, no?

So here are my Top 10 strategies and habits that much make it much easier to "maintain" a reasonable amount of clutter and prevent accumulating more.  I hope you find them helpful! 

1. Make an art form out of donating! I keep a DONATE bag in my bedroom and a DONATE bin in my basement. When I wear something and decide I no longer like it, in the bag it goes. When I go in a drawer and realize I have a shirt I haven't worn in forever and never will again, in the bag it goes. When I buy a new shirt and need room to put it away, I pick one to go. Same type of strategy goes elsewhere in the house. I regularly scan for things to bring to the basement donate bin. To make the whole system work, I have a regularly scheduled pickup from the Vietnam Vets of America http://www.vva.org/ and my goal is to fill up at least one bag or box. Every 2 weeks during the summer and as needed in the winter, I put out our donations of clothing and household goods just like we put out our recycling. You might think I would eventually run out of stuff and my house would be empty. But trust me, that will never happen. This strategy helps us maintain a balance between incoming and outgoing so I don't drown in clutter like I used to.

2. Purge the Fridge weekly. Every week before we grocery shop, we scan the fridge for what to get rid of so we can put everything away when we get back. The funny thing is, because we do this, we always know what we have and almost never have to throw anything away.

3. Don't watch commercials on TV. Seriously, since we got our DVR, I never watch commercials, and so I save a lot of time, I'm less stressed and less tempted to impulse buy -- or impulse eat for that matter. I can watch American Idol in about 20 minutes!

4. Don't shop or look at catalogs unless you are looking for something specific. This was not easy to do at first, but it has gotten much easier to throw those I don't need for work right into the recycle bin. I used to be quite the gadget junkie. Window shopping and looking through catalogs for the latest new stuff was "fun" for me. Not actively looking for stuff to buy has made a huge difference in my life. The money saved has helped me stay out of debt for over 10 years. The time saved is much better used doing stuff like writing this article. I got off the junk mail lists and when a catalog or sales ads come to my home I AUTOMATICALLY put them directly in the recycle bin.  This used to be really difficult, but now I don't even think twice.  I love the freedom it gives me!

5. Don't buy anything unless you know exactly what you plan to do with it and where it will live. Nothing comes into the house without a home to go to. It's amazing how this works. Whereas before we would get items home and then agonize about where to put it and end up regretting buying it when we can't find a home, we now do all that agonizing in the store. And voila! The items we can't think of homes for never make it out of the store and we don't have to deal with the clutter!

6. NO more Freebies!!! Being a recovering "infomaniac" I used to go to events and make sure I got every freebie being given out.  It was something I never questioned. Free? Of course I'll take one! But no more. Once I finally let go of all that stuff that had accumulated around my house, I was determined not to let it pile up again. So I was very proud that at a NAPO Conference, I did not bring home the little votive candles and other little trinkets being handed out. I already have a drawer full of candles I don't use often. I only brought home freebies I can really use. What a difference!

7. Put Paper Recycling bins on every floor. If your home has 2 or 3 floors, or even if your office is far from your kitchen, you need more than one bin for recycling. I keep a paper grocery bag under my desk. Now I never have an excuse to hold on to paper I don't need. When going through the mail, I often get things that are "interesting." I used to keep them and let them pile up. But now, I say to myself, "I was fine before this arrived in my hand. If they hadn't gotten hold of my address I wouldn't have it. I didn't ask for it, therefore I can let it go. If I still remember it tomorrow or next week, I can dig it out of the recycling bin. If not, I didn't need it anyway!"

8. Move anything you don't use often to long term storage so it's not in your way. Anything we don't use often gets moved out of our living space to the attic, basement or garage. In our basement, we have a closet for linens that aren't being used, like for blankets during the winter. If we don't use them 2 years in a row, to the donation bin they go. Our garage is off the kitchen, so we moved quite a few of the appliances we only use occasionally like fondue pots and waffle irons, out to the garage.

9. Trust that you will always be able to get what you need somehow. In many ways trust is the opposite of fear. When you trust that you will be able to get what you need, you can let go of the fear of running out or of not having enough, then you won't need to stockpile as much. If you trust that you will probably always have money for the things you really need and that you will be able to find things on sale again, you can more easily resist buying everything on sale just because you "might never see prices that low again." Everything goes on sale on a regular basis. If you watch, you will see that just about ever 4-6 weeks paper towels are half price. So, buy a 12 pack if you know you will use them and you have plenty of space to store them, but don't buy 5 12-paks. They will very likely go on sale again before you use up 60 rolls! At least I hope you aren't using THAT many paper towels. If you are you can save a fortune investing in some great cotton kitchen towels!

10. Give everything a home where it's not in your way, and where you can find it when you need it. This is nothing new, my grandmother always said "There's a place for everything and everything in its place"  I never quite understood how to do that when I was a kid, and it used to annoy the heck out me.  But now I get it. What is new for us today, is the sheer volume of things we need to give homes to. Like that extra recycling bin for all that junk mail, or a place for the remotes, the cell phone, etc.  My grandmother never had to deal with these things. But if you simplify your life and use tips 1-9 regularly, you will have hopefully fewer things that you need to find homes for!

Hope these tips help you!

Simplifying Your Life - Free Class on Wednesday!

Just a reminder that I'm giving a free teleclass on ADDClasses.com this coming Wednesday!

Here are the details:

_______________________________

TITLE: Simplifying Your Life:  Strategies that Work for ADHD 


(and work for anyone with "ADD-Like Traits" or a Creative Personality Type)

DATE: Wednesday, February 18, 2009

TIME: 2:00 PM Eastern Standard Time

_____________________________

Tara McGillicuddy, is also giving a free class

TITLE: Is it Really about Time?

DATE: Tuesday February 24, 2009

TIME: 9:00 pm EST

_________________________________

The classes are free, but you do have to
signup for AddClasses.com by clicking here

Hope to see you there!

You're Invited to a FREE Q & A Conference Call with Me on Friday 2/13!

This month, on the Neat & Simple Living Radio Show, Ellen Shapiro, Bernadette Armiento and I are talking about "getting unstuck" in all the areas of our lives. 

You get to call in and tell us what's making you feel "stuck", whether it's about money, filing tax returns, organizing, clutter, eating healthy, exercising, business projects, financial matters, procrastination, perfectionism, whatever!

Don't miss this opportunity to discuss your challenges and get ideas from three coaches at once! A truly holistic approach to address the obstacles to your success.

MARK YOUR CALENDAR!

Date / Time: 2/13/2009 1:00 PM EASTERN

This event will be simulcast. You can listen over the web on Blog Talk Radio

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/neatandsimpleliving

OR

You call in and join the discussion!

DIAL IN:  (712) 432-0600

Access Code: 285167#


We look forward to seeing you on Friday!

Ariane, Ellen & Bernadette

Simplifying Your Life: Strategies that Work - FREE CLASS!

I'm so excited!  I've been a big fan of ADDClasses.com for a long time.  And now I'm going to be an instructor there!  I'll be giving a FREE one hour teleclass, so mark your calendar!

Here are the details:

TITLE: Simplifying Your Life:  Strategies that Work for People with ADHD 
(and anyone with "ADD-Like Traits" or a Creative Personality Type)

DATE: Feb. 18

TIME: 2:00 PM Eastern Standard Time

There will also be a handout, so don't miss this!

The class is free, but you do have to signup for AddClasses.com by clicking here

p.s. I gave a 2 hour version of this class to my Getting Unstuck Coaching Group this past Thursday and people really loved it!  Here are a few of the comments I got after the class:

"the slides were a great reference point and later memory aid. lots to think about and try out. thanks."

"these calls are such a source of energy for me and I am trying to build in a block of time right after for taking action."

"I have gained so much in just the few weeks that we have been doing the calls... You doing such a wonderful thing with the calls The program is wonderful, filled with extremely helpful information.   Thanks for everything that you are doing for us!!!"

"This is good information. Your "class" and "sharings" today are wonderful. Thanks."

"Excellent info. thanks..."

(BY THE WAY: It's not too late to join!  You will get to listen to the past month's worth of recordings, download the 39 page version of the handout, PLUS get 3 additional months of classes and coaching calls with me.  but that's not all, you also get my office and paper organizing books AND Suzanne Babb's ebooks!  Learn More Here)

Don't forget to mark the date in your Calendar! 
   

See you there!

The TRUE cost of things

"The cost of a thing is the amount of what I will call life, which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run."
--Henry David Thoreau

When you think about buying things, or decide to keep things you no longer really love or use, how often do you stop and think about the true cost of things?  I'm talking about the true cost of owning the thing throughout it's life cycle.  

For example, are you aware of how much time you spend maintaining the things you own?

When you think about buying something, do you think about the time, energy and money it will take to:

- Shopping for things
- Choosing and buying things
- Storing things, choosing and buying containers, shelves etc. 
- Fixing things (especially houses and cars - do you really plan for all the repairs?)
- Cleaning things
- Looking for things
- Inventorying and insuring things
- Worrying about people taking your things and paying for security systems
- Yelling at your kids about things
- Fighting with your spouse about things
- Figuring out how to let go of things such as finding some one to give them to

How much of the cost of your home actually goes directly to storing things you can't find when you need them anyway?

Do you argue with people in your life about stuff? Is it worth the trouble?

What would you do with your time, energy and money if you didn't have to worry about so many things?

Are your things helping you avoid having to make the tough decisions about what you really want to be and do with your?  Are they filling a void in your heart and soul?  Keeping you stuck in pattern that is painful but familiar and therefore its hard to change? 

Starting to let go of unneeded things gradually can actually help you face this.  Sometimes the first step in stopping the cycle is just to acquire less and refocus all that shopping energy on self-care.  

How would your life be different with fewer clothes? fewer books, DVDs, CDs? fewer magazines? less junk mail? fewer toys? fewer photos? a smaller house? no car payments?  

MORE FROM THE WEB AND BLOGOSPHERE ON THE TRUE COST OF THINGS AND LIVING WITH LESS 

• ZEN HABITS Leo Babauta published a free e-book on Thriving on Less: Simplifying in a Tough Economy that is worth a read. He has also published a book on the Power of Less. I haven't read it, but thought you might like to know!
   GET FREE DOWNLOAD
  
• THE DEBT FREE KID - A neat post by Karissa about the true price of things...a great reminder that things really don't buy happiness.
  
• GREEN FERTILITY - Here's a neat couple of posts about the true cost of things...like the true cost of a dozen eggs...and the true cost of low cost food...this one really opened my eyes.
  
• THE TRUE COST OF OWNING A HOME - Owning a home may not be as much of an investment as you think...if you are thinking of owning  a home, think it all the way through and DON"T let the mortgage companies talk you into "buying the largest home you can afford"  or "don't worry about the total cost, just think about the monthly payment"   The total true cost can be as must as 5 TIMES the monthly payment to cover utilities, property taxes and maintenance. Even if you have two incomes, I always recommend buying a home you could afford on 25 - 40% of the lower income ALONE.  The freedom is so worth it! 
  
• THE TRUE COST OF DRIVING  A neat little calculator to help you learn the TRUE cost of driving your car. You might be really astonished! 
  
• THE TRUE COST OF CREDIT  - Tells you what it really costs to use your credit cards.
  
• THE WALDEN POND PROJECT - An activity to help kids learn the true cost of things.

Do you have or know of a great post on the true cost of things?

Post your link below!

Ask Seth Godin a Question! About marketing, having ADHD, anything!

When the brilliant, Terry Matlen of www.addconsults.com  saw a post by Seth Godin on Bryan Hutchinson's blog at www.adderworld.com, she emailed him and asked if she could interview him AND HE SAID YES!!!.

Seth Godin is a marketing genius who has revolutionized the world of business and marketing through He's written 10 books, including his latest: Tribes, and The Dip . He's also the founder of www.Squidoo.com.

In a recent article in Business Week,  as I told you in December, Seth mentioned that he has ADHD.

If you've read any of Seth's books - you know he is not only a creative market genius, he practices what he preaches.  And he doesn't let having ADD stop him from succeeding! 

I'm so thrilled that he came out with having ADHD, as I know how difficult a decision that is.  I was terrified how it would affect my business, and it has!  But truly in a more positive way than I could ever have imagined. It's such a relief to not feel like I have to hide who I really am. 

The choice to "come out" is not right for everyone because many people still DO have preconceived notions about people with ADHD "being unreliable" or "flaky" but that is simply not true!  People who embrace their ADD and learn to manage it, as well as find the "gifts and treasures" often succeed in STELLAR ways. 

The more people who come out and speak openly about it, like Ty Pennington, Michael Phelps, Richard Branson, Howie Mandel and so many more, the more people will realize its not a "disability", it is a "challenge" we can learn to deal with and integrate into our lives.

When you cultivate the treasures and manage the difficulties that accompany ADHD, you can learn to "design a LIFE that fits"  AND "design a BUSINESS that fits" and allows you to flourish.  Having ADD is NOT a reason to give up on yourself!

Seth Godin,  Terry Matlen and other heroes of mine including Sari Solden,  Jennifer Koretsky, Denslow Brown, and Tara McGuillicuddy (to name only a few) are all wonderful examples of how you can design a business that fits you and achieve remarkable success!

Want to Ask Seth a Question?

Terry Matlen has graciously offered people to submit questions for her interview with him about what it's like to have ADD!  I can't wait to read how he designs his life and work to fit him!

All you have to do is email them to her at AskSeth@addconsults.com  Then, look for the interview in an upcoming newsletter.  You can read her archives and sign up for her great newsletters here!

Wishing you all the best!

p.s.

We had our first Getting Unstuck Coaching Call yesterday and it was AWESOME!  During the 2 hour call, we got deep into the decision-making process, how we "predictably" get stuck at each stage, and what we can do to "get unstuck" at each stage.  We also got deep into ways to help us let go of clutter painlessly. People are already writing to me with all the great ways they've already started getting unstuck!   We have 22 wonderful members now, and there is still room for lots more! 

ITS NOT TOO LATE TO JOIN as a CHARTER MEMBER! 

The call recording came out great and is now posted in the group. You can easily listen online, or download the recording.  Plus you get all my ebooks and lots more unreleased material included!

Getting Unstuck Coaching Group is here!

Over the last several weeks, Suzanne Babb and I have been working closely with my new publishing company to reinvent the Getting Unstuck Coaching and Support Group as an ONGOING group, not just a one-shot deal.

We are thrilled to announce that the group officially begins Jan. 15! 

An Affordable Alternative

For people interested in coaching, but aren't sure about investing a lot of money in it, (and who has money to spare these days?)  we have designed a truly unique program that enables you to experience coaching in a group setting. 

Group coaching provides you with a way to receive ongoing learning, feedback, support, and inspiration without having to spend a fortune. You not only get our support, you get the support of other people who are all working on getting unstuck, getting inspired, and getting organized.  

A Longer Term Alternative

This program is designed to be an ongoing support experience, kinda like Weight Watchers, but for Managing Your Life, not your weight.  So just when you've found your groove and are making serious progress on your goals, you won't be cut off.  

If you find you've really gotten a handle on things, you can leave the group.  If you "fall off the wagon" (and most of us do when life throws us curveballs) we will be here for you - and you won't have to get on a waiting list.  Just re-enroll in a couple easy steps.

 Special Offer

You get 3 months of coaching calls, ALL of Suzanne's e-books on Organizing, and Technology and Ariane's Organizing eBooks, discounts on future workshops, an exclusive online support forum, and much more.  Learn all the details here:  Getting Unstuck Coaching Group

Whatever you decide, I truly wish you a world of sustainable success in 2009!

Perfectionism & Me - Debbie Jordan Kravitz Interviews me for her book!

On October 9, 2008, Debbie Jordan Kravitz, interviewed me for her upcoming book on Perfectionism! She was so easy to talk to, and so compassionate that I really opened up to her and revealed things I've never talked about "publicly" before. We also laughed a lot and I have to thank her for asking such insight-provoking questions and helping me to understand my perfectionism even more deeply yet in such a FUN way!

Listen to or download the MP3 recording our conversation about Perfectionism and Overcoming Perfectionism here. (note this is about an 86 MB file)

You can listen live right now here! Though it make take a minute to get started.

As another step on my personal journey to recovering from perfectionism, I decided to share the recording with you - in spite of how imperfect I may sound. I hope it helps you in some way understand your own issues. Here are some of the topics we talked about:

• When did you first realize that perfectionism was part of your personality?
• How perfectionism became an issue for me in college and at work
• How becoming a Professional Organizer taught me about ADD
• How perfectionism, ADD and creativity are connected
• How I learned to overcome / manage my own chronic disorganization and clutter issues
• Consequences of perfectionism - what made you realize you needed to change and how do you keep it at bay?
• The biological bases of perfectionism
• How perfectionism is related to your self-concept, image, reputation, ability and desire for being known for quality
• How I learned to give up being perfect about email, writing and other things
• How self-monitoring works
• and much more....

Debbie Jordan Kravitz, can be found at  www.DandRcustomorganizers.com Debbie is my new BFF (BloggingFriendForever) and the brains behind the really cool blog, Virtually Organized. 

Here's the link to Download our discussion on Overcoming Perfectionism!

On Self-discipline vs. Changing Core Beliefs from the Inside Out. How I recovered from Addiction.

I think I really touched a nerve in my last post on ADD-Friendly Tips for Healthy Eating: Veggies, Butter and Self-medicating with Food - Am I the only one?

The comments have been very intriguing and thoughtful. But this one - really struck me.

"i wish i had the self-discipline of you."

"self-discipline"?  Me?  My husband would laugh.  I wish I had self-discipline, too!  I have such a hard time controlling my impulses sometimes. For me, it requires constantly educating myself and reminding myself of the truth about foods like sugar and gluten. 

I'm a recovering addict in every sense of the word.  And it took much more than "self-discipline" to even get me to consider quitting, and it still takes much more than that to keep getting myself back on track. What exactly is self-discipline? I like this definition from  Wikipedia

"Self-discipline refers to the training that one gives one's self to accomplish a certain task or to adopt a particular pattern of behaviour, even though one would really rather be doing something else. For example, denying oneself of an extravagant pleasure in order to accomplish a more demanding charitable deed. Thus, self-discipline is the assertion of willpower over more base desires, and is usually understood to be a synonym of 'self control'. Self-discipline is to some extent a substitute for motivation, when one uses reason to determine a best course of action that opposes one's desires."

I did give myself "training," but I went way further.  Willpower doesn't work for me.  I had to create internal motivation powered by core beliefs.  I had to convince myself that sugar is truly a CLUTTER FOOD.  Not only does it have no nutritional power, it attacks your immune system and causes inflammation throughout your body. I had to prove these beliefs to myself - over and over again.

Eating sugar is as addicitive as shooting up heroin. At least for me. Yes, it feels divine, but it's really not. Look what it does to you! The more you have, the more you want. It doesn't kill you, but the more you consume, the more it weakens you. (Especially when you are over 40 and have been eating toxins like sugar your whole life.) It's a vicious cycle. The worse you feel because you ate the sugar, the more you crave the pleasure you get from sugar.

It is incredibly hard to quit sugar.  Most people can't even imagine quitting!  Think about it, could you stop tomorrow?  The pleasure of eating sugar is stronger than even sex for many people. Stopping is like trying to stop breathing!

The Acceptance Stage

The first stage in addiction recovery is to accept that you might have a problem. You have to at least comtemplate that the addictive substance or activity might be the cause of your other problems. Most people won't even consider it. That's how I was. I laughed at the very thought of quitting.

If I wasn't struggling with weight, PMS, depression, and serious pain in my joints, I never would have even though about quitting sugar. I had to first connect my sugar consumption with all of these problems I was experiencing.  My PMS was out of control.  My doctor said it was menopause...but I now KNOW with all my heart it wasn't.  I don't have PMS at all since I quit sugar.  My ADD symptoms get worse when I eat sugar as well.  I didn't "know" that then, I just knew I had to consider the possibility that all the articles I read about how bad sugar is just might be true.

So once I thought about it, what did it really take for me to quit sugar?  Just like with learning to let go of clutter you've had your whole life, there are no easy "tips" and "tools" for this one.  There is no magical "self-discipline". I had to go really deep into some really scary places for me. It took nearly 3 months of getting REAL. I had be honest with myself and "notice" how my addiction really worked. It took intensive soul searching as well as education.  This is a case where my ability to hyperfocus and observe patterns worked out well for me. I focused on sugar like a laser beam to figure out why it had so much power over me. I asked questions like.

Why couldn't I stop putting 4 heaping spoonfuls in my coffee every morning? 
Why do I get such INTENSE cravings for ice cream?
Why do I go to the grocery store and HAVE to buy gum and Snicker's bars while waiting in live?
Why can't I just stop eating sugar?  

But then I had an AHA moment. Trying to answer "why" GETS YOU NOWHERE. 
I made up all kinds of stories about how I grew up poor, how I was abused and grew up in stress and clutter and needed the comfort, yadda, yadda, yadda. None of it helped me get over the addiction.

The kinds of questions that got me moving in the direction of serious change were What and How questions.  The kinds of non-judgemental questions I use with my clients.

What was I really thinking, feeling and believing before, during and after these behaviors?

What did I truly want for myself?  What did I need to be eating to have what I wanted?  How could I comfort myself without sugar?  How could I give up the false notion that sugar foods were comforting? 

The Motivation Phase

Essentially, what finally helped me actually quit and not just keep "trying" to quit was:

• To use intense cognitive behavorial therapy on myself to change my core beliefs that enabled this addiction. 
• To identify and deal with my innermost thought, belief, and emotional patterns. 
• To shine a spotlight on my unconscious habits and become aware.
• I had to physically interrupt my behavior.  I had to re-organize my physical environment, re-organize all my routines that had food connected with them (basically my whole life!.
• Most of all, I needed outside support. I am 100% sure I could never have done this alone.

It became clear to me, I had to get my husband Alan on board. It took weeks of intense conversation with him about what I needed from him. He agreed to attend educational classes with me just to "think about" the possibility of quitting sugar.  I promised him I wouldn't force him to quit with me, but we both knew that if he ate sugar, I would too.  So we attended 8 - 12 weeks of teleclasses with many experts on "sugar shock" led by Connie Bennett. We read books. And luckily for me he became just as motivated as I was to quit sugar!

The  Testing Phase

It took all that effort just for us to TRY an EXPERIMENT!  What would happen if we only ate whole sugar-free foods for 4 weeks?  Just 4 weeks. We needed the personal experience to validate everything we learned.  So we focused on our goals of wanting to feel better, stop having PMS, stop having sinus headaches, etc.  Instead of thinking about quitting sugar, we focused on what we COULD eat instead.  Alan was my knight in shining armor.  He helped me empty our entire house of sugar.  He had to pull the chocolate sauce out of my hand.  Once I picked it up, I couldn't throw it away.  I wanted to eat it so badly.  I needed him to talk be down and remind me why I was doing this.  What did I want more?  Health or Chocolate? 

After 4 weeks, my husband and I were stunned.  We both felt so much better!  It was really true!!!  All the beliefs we "tried on" were becoming more ingrained in us.  Not eating sugar makes us both feel a thousand times better. 

It's been a few years, but I still "test" now and then to see if "maybe I can have just a little?"  Like when I go to a restaurant, and they sit me near the bakery display section, and by the end of the meal I must have a dessert. Then I suffer for a few days. And develop a stronger resolve to never have sugar again.

Or like when I travelled to the NSGCD conference in September to take my Level 2 ADD Specialist Exam (which I passed : )  I was doing fine.  Then they brought out 6 tables FULL of cakes, pies, torts, etc.  They had chocolate and candy dishes everywhere.  It was PURE HELL!  I was strong for a while, but they left them out for what seemed like hours.  Eventually, I had one piece, and then all hell broke loose.  I had some of everything. I felt sick afterwards for days...but have only had sugar once since then.  It's a vicious cycle. n my mind, I won't be "cured" until I can effortlessly resist sugar even when exposed at that obscene level, even while under the stress of travelling.

The Final Integration Phase

I went through a similar process with cigarettes. I guess you could say it took me almost 10 years to truly quit. But it wasn't until they banned smoking in all indoor places in NJ that I could go everywhere and be okay.  Today, I never even think about smoking.  There are no more ads for it. None of my friends smoke. Now, even when I am exposed to it, I don't want it.  I gagged so many times during my last year of "testing" episodes that I finally even threw away the "emergency" pack I kept in my freezer.

I went through a similar process with releasing clutter.  It happened in waves and spirals.  I went through this process with overcoming "overcommitment." Saying "yes" to every new project is a lot like an addictive impulse. It's such a high in the moment, and then later you suffer. And now, I'm doing it with butter and cheese!

This is how you create lasting change.

It's not a perfect straight line.  I must say though, with every habit I change, it gets easier. I develop more confidence that I can do it. It's not discipline.  It's the power of your core beliefs and acceptance of the reality of how things really work. It's is the power of education and self-understanding.  It changes your relationship with the world.

It was the same way with learning to let go of clutter for me.  The impulse to acquire and keep is always in the background...and stress often makes the impulse stronger, but now, I have developed an even stronger automatic thought and belief process that kicks in and helps me make better decisions in response to my impulses.

So what do you think?  Was I self-disciplined?  Or was I self-discovering?  Self-Persuading, maybe?

The creative side of me knows I can't make myself do things just by giving myself "consequences" or even by thinking about the consequences.  It has to go way deeper than that.