NEAT & SIMPLE LIVING with Ariane Benefit, Organizing Coach

Do you make To Do lists but then don't follow them?

The topic of "to do lists" came up in the Neat and Simple Living Cafe the other day.  This is an issue that many people agonize over, so I thought I'd write about it here, too. If you are like the hundreds of people who tell me they make lots of lists, but have difficulty following them or even finding them, you are not alone! 

Difficulty following lists is very common among people with a creative or right-brain dominant personality style as well as with ADDers. In addition, people with certain kinds of brain injuries or head injuries may find it easy to "make" lists, but have much trouble "following" lists. There are many psychological, neurological, learning style, sensory, and even genetic reasons why some people are not good at "following" written instructions of any kind, including their own lists! 

I'm going to spare you the theories, but promise me you'll stopping beating yourself up!  It's not that you are lazy or procrastinating...it's how you are wired.  So let's accept it and work with it.  Even though it's not easy for you...there are some tricks to making your lists easier to follow.  

Here's the thing about making lists. Writing itself is a very effective way to clarify what's on your mind, process information and enhance your ability to remember things. So there is a good reason to keep on making your lists! They help you:

• Remember things better (just like taking notes)
• Slow down your brain to the speed of writing so that you can think more clearly and get your ideas out.
• Articulate your ideas. 
• Reduce your fear that you will forget the items

Before we look at ways to make lists easier to follow...let's look as some of the things that make them more difficult to follow.  Lists may be harder to follow if:

• There are too many items on it
• Handwriting isn't clear or the lettering is not big enough
• You use light colored ink or pencil 
• The paper used is colored and does not provide a high contrast with the ink used 
• Action items aren't listed in order of priority and you have to scan the whole list to decide which things to do next.
• Item don't list all the information you need to act on it, e.g. for some people, if they don't write the phone number and have to hunt it down, they will skip write over that item on the list.  
• The spacing between the items is too close.  
• More than a day or 2 goes by before you look at it again (particularly if you have ADD, the list may lose all sense of urgency)
• You have any kind of reading or vision difficulties such as a mild dyslexia
• You are stressed when you look at the list 
• You have lots of other ideas going through your head when you look at 
• The items are so brief that you forget what was actually meant. For example, I have seen many examples of people writing things like "Call Doctor" and then forgetting which doctor and why.    

There are many more items I could add, but I think you get the idea.  Everyone is different in terms of what works best for them, but here are some tips that might help you make your lists easier to "follow".

• Limit the items to 4 - 6 short items on them
• Use very clear large lettering, I use a black Sharpie for lists I really need to follow
• Put lots of space between items.  This makes it easier for your brain to focus on one item at a time. 
• Put a little box or circle in front of each item so that you can check it off when you are done
• Put high priority items at the top, lower priority in the bottom half of the list. 
• Use color or other visual cues to help you highlight the highest priority items:  e.g., highlighters or my personal fave is to draw "clouds" or "bubbles" around the  most important things.
• Use brightly colored paper with high contrast to your ink.
• Use a TO DO notebook that is ONLY for Action Items.  Put a removeable tab or post-it on pages with open items in your notebook. 
• Don't mix things you would "like to do" with things that you really "will or must do". One trick I've used is to turn the notebook upside down and use the back of the book to capture "brainstorms" and "ideas" or use a separate notebook all together.   
• Some people need "novelty" to help stimulate their brain to pay attention to their lists, so using different color paper and highlighters may be effective.  So if you are the types that likes trying out new ways to make your lists, have fun with it, but be aware that if you try lots of complicated software to do lists you are probably wasting a ton of time learning and setting up new ways to do your lists.  Try to restrain your "novelty needs" to simple, easy changes. 

Alternatives to linear lists and paper may also help you follow lists better.  I use different methods for different kinds of lists. Some of the tools I use:

• Digital Recorder
• Calling in to my Voice mail 
• White boards (I have a couple small ones that I use like pads of paper, and one on the wall fo rwhen I need to move around to think/) 
• Mind Mapping 
• Flip Chart that I hang on a nail on my office door 
• Post-it Flip Charts that I hang on my wall.  
• Magnetic pads for my refrigerator  
• Chalkboard in the kitchen 

You may need to experiment with alternate ways to find the best way for you to make your lists, and you may need different kinds of lists for different things.  Some people need to stick to one kind of list, others need the diversity.  Give yourself permission to play and experiment till you find methods that not only attract you but are easy to read and follow later.  Another option is to just give yourself permission to make lists with the intention of helping you get things off your mind without the expectation that you have to follow them! If they helped you remember, and you did the action item without looking at your list. That's good enough.  

Have a quirky way to make lists work for you?  Leave a comment below!

Ever wonder what happens to your donations?

Check out this photo essay Debra Baida, Professional Organizer made about her tour of the San Francisco-based processing facility of Goodwill Industries of San Francisco, San Mateo, and Marin counties.

Although you may be concerned that some of the items do go to Rag Sellers, many do go to the GoodWill stores.

The best news?  Debra tells us that

"Donated items arrive at Goodwill's central processing facility in San Francisco for sorting, inspection, and distribution. The work is done by participants in Goodwill's diverse job training programs. Part of the mission is to create "solutions to poverty through workforce creation" and to "build sustainable livelihoods." As I witnessed during the tour, this training occurs at all phases throughout the facility."

So your donations also help people develop employable skills!  To me that is a great reason to donate old clothing and not let my home become a "graveyard" for rotting clothes that produce nothing but dust! 

What the best way to ensure they don't become rags?  Donate them while they are still in good condition! Don't wait till they are full of moth holes and the elastic in the waste bands no longer works : ) 

When was the last time you sorted through your clothes for donations?  During this change of seasons is a GREAT time to let go of those items you didn't wear all summer and the items you don't want to wear this winter. : )

Read Debra's post and see more photos here.

Related Post from the Green Guide:  What happens to Donated Clothes?

Organizing Your Office - Book Contest Results!

Please accept my apologies for the delay in choosing the winners for my book title contest.  Since I announced the contest, my uncle who was like a dad to me, found out he had lung and bone cancer and passed away just before the election. I was in New Hampshire often and the book was the last thing on my mind.  On top of that our roof started leaking (again), we had a flood in the basement (again), and a pipe under the kitchen sink burst.  It's been a month from hell for me, but I'm getting back on track.

I truly appreciate your patience! 

Here's what's going on with the contest.

We have winners!!!

The winning title is  "I know it's here somewhere!"
and was submitted by:

1. Fran Pikus
2. Naomi T.
3. Pamela Luisa

Since 3 people submitted the winning title, we are working out the details of whether to give the prize to the first person to submit the title, or share the prize of $100 + One hour consultation among the three.

Top Runners up

You made this decision REALLY tough! I will use this for something....

1. It's 9:00am. Do You Know Where Your Desk Is?   
2. Has anyone seen my desk? Submitted by:
   • Angie Poole http://www.angiepoole.blogspot.com
   • Chelo www.chelokeys.com
3. Excuse me, have you seen my desk?   by Debbie Jordan Kravitz
4. Stop Agonizing Over Organizing!   by Audra I may use this for a book about general organizing!  : )

I appreciate all of your contribution. You all submitted awesome titles.  In fact I'm thinking that some of the titles I will use for articles / presentations / classes.  Also I will combine some and use them as Subtitle and Promotional copy for the book.  To thank you for your contribution, the winners and runners up have all been emailed copies of my e-books for FREE!

All my best,

 

20 Neat & Simple ways to simplify Holiday Decorating, Gift Giving, Card Sending, and Entertaining!

The holidays are supposed to be a time of giving and celebration of new beginnings.  But our traditions of decorating, gift giving, card sending, eating and entertaining have become so complicated and stressful that it’s almost impossible to recognize the true meaning of the holidays anymore.  Here are a few tips to help you simplify, reduce stress and get back to experiencing the joys of holiday traditions!

Decorating Tips

• Decorate less!  This year, try using only half of your decorations. Spending less time displaying decorations will give you more time to enjoy them!  You’ll also have less to put away after the holidays!

• Don’t add to your decorations, REPLACE them!  If you buy a new decoration, let go of an old one.

• Create a decorating routine.  Use pictures of last year's decorations as a guide to help you figure out where to put everything more quickly.

• When you put holiday decorations out on display, put some of your non-holiday decorations away. Keep those decorations in your holiday storage box until the holidays are over!

• If you have decorations that are worn out, or that you don’t really use any more, donate them.  Don’t just keep them out of habit. If they are sentimental, take a photo and let them go.

Gift Giving Tips

• Set limits. It’s so tempting to give your kids lots of gifts.  But when you do, you are actually teaching them to expect that every year.  The best gift you can give your kids is to teach them that the true meaning of the holidays is to give of yourself to others, be with people you love, and not about how many gifts you get.

• One of the biggest sources of holiday stress is overspending on gifts. Make a list of everyone you want to give a gift to and set a budget that allows you to celebrate the holidays without creating a financial hardship.

• Limit the number of shopping trips you make. 3-4 should be plenty!

• Create your gift list based on what you know people really need and use. If you aren’t sure, find out their favorite stores, restaurants, activities or service providers and give them a gift certificate. See Jeri Dansky's Tips on Giving Gift Cards and Gift Certificates (Here are my "clutter-free holiday gift ideas")

• Don’t go shopping just to look for gift ideas!  When people shop looking for ideas, they often end up finding too many great gift ideas, can't decide, and then they buy too many gifts!

• Don’t bring home “possible” gifts thinking you'll return the ones you decide not to give.  That almost never happens! And it just causes more stress. The best time to make decisions about what gifts you want to give is BEFORE you go shopping.

• Shop online!  Especially for people you have to ship gifts to.  Having your gifts wrapped & shipped directly to them can save you a lot of aggravation waiting in line at the post office!

• Instead of spending a lot on gift wrap, make creative gift wraps out of items in your home.  For example, use fabric.  You can even cut strips of fabric to make bows. 

Card Sending Tips

• Rethink your card traditions.  How many cards do you really need to send out this year?

• Consider sending e-cards, making phone calls or sending personal emails with photos this year instead of cards.

This year, in lieu of mailing cards, we donated the money we usually spend on cards and stamps etc. ($200) to www.RoomtoRead.org.  Instead, we are making our own e-card to send on Plaxo.  I purchase the Plaxo service because of how simple it is and they let me upload my own photo for the cards. Plus when they send the card, the recipient does not hoave to go the website to pick it up - so no worries about spam.  

• Imagine how much nicer it would be to actually talk to the college roommate you exchange cards with every year but haven’t seen or spoken to in 20 years.   

Eating and Entertaining Tips

• Limit how much sugar you eat.  Sugar impairs your immune system and causes water retention and mood swings. Much holiday depression is caused by eating too much junk!

• Keep a few healthy meals & snacks on hand.  Fruit, cut vegetables, nuts, popcorn and cheese are excellent alternatives to sweets!

• If you are having a party, let your guests bring something.  You don’t have to do it all yourself!  Remember, people love to contribute.  Don’t you? 

• Finally, give up the myth of the perfect holiday.

It doesn’t exist!  What stories are you telling yourself about what people expect of you?  Chances are they don’t expect nearly as much as you think they do.  The truth is most people don’t care how many decorations you put up or whether or not you send them a card.  90% of our stress is self-inflicted by the stories we tell ourselves about events in our lives.  By rethinking the stories you tell yourself about your holiday traditions, you can start getting back to a simpler, happier holiday season!

Wishing you Happy, Healthy & Simpler Holidays!

Preserving Archival Photos and Newspapers

Do you have old photos, newspapers, and other documents you need to preserve or archive?   Do you maintain your family genealogy documents? Here are some neat archiving tips & resources to help you preserve your valuable historical photos, newspapers, books & documents make sure they last and stay in the best quality archival condition possible over the years.

Preserving Photos

Did you know?

• No color prints last forever! Black and white is made of silver and not dyes, so it lasts longer than color. So, consider turning some of your more important photographs into black and white prints. (Wonder if this is true of ink-jet printed photos?  My guess is yes as mine do seem to fade)

Holiday Gift for My Blog Readers & Cafe Members Only!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm in a super giving mood this week and so thrilled that we already have over 150 members in the Neat & Simple Living Cafe that I've decided to GIVE  you the recording from our first Free Monthly CAFE CALL, even if you haven't joined yet!  We got so much wonderful feedback on the call and I really don't want my loyal blog readers to miss out on this one.

Special Offer for my Blog Readers

While I'm in a giving mood, to celebrate Thanksgiving, I'm also adding 30 minutes to my one hour Private Consultation for no extra charge!  Plus you get a 5  - 10 minute quick follow-up call and email support.

As many of you already know, my one hour coaching consultation  can be used to ask me about anything regarding overcoming procrastination, perfectionism, organizing your office, paper, home, family, managing ADD, hoarding, or whatever is on your mind.  You can send me photos to really make the most of the session. You also get access to download, all my e-books PLUS the documents I share with my clients!

With your private consultation you will get:

• A full 90 minute call
• A Follow-up call
• Email support
• All my e-books and other organizing documents that I normally only share with clients!
• All this for just $125!

There is no better time to get help with your personal challenges around organizing, getting motivated, or activating to complete your tasks than during the holidays...who couldn't use a little extra support to get through the holidays with all that last minute stress?   

Neat Clutter -Free Gift Idea!

If you've got someone on your list who is always talking about wishing they had help with their organizing or ADD challenges, a consultation could be a perfect clutter-free holiday gift!  As long as you don't surprise them with it.  Be sure to ask them if they would like to have a meeting with me before you purchase this.   

Availability

As of today, I only have a total of 8 5 consultation appointments available between now and December 31, so don't wait too long to decide, the offer expires on November 30.  However, I will be starting my "Getting Unstuck"  Coaching Group right after Thanksgiving, so stay tuned for more opportunities to get personalized organizing support.

TERMS

• This offer is available to anyone who purchases the consultation by November 30 and uses it by December 31.
• Black out times:  Appointments will not be available during the week of Christmas.
• You will receive an email from me within 2 business days to inform you of my next available appointment dates.

Ready to Get Started?

To purchase the private consultation use the button below. You will receive INSTANT ACCESS to the Neat & Simple Organizing Success Portfolio of e-books, forms, audio recordings, valued at over $150 alone! You can start reading right away to prepare for your session.

Total Value: $335 now just $125!  For my cafe members, it's only $99. 

All you have to do is click this button.  : )

Got a Question?

Just leave a comment below. : )

Wishing you an AWESOME Thanksgiving with much to be grateful for,

Reminder: Free Call! Thursday Nov. 6 1:00 PM EST

Just a quick reminder that tomorrow I will be hosting a one hour Q&A call-in for members of the Neat & Simple Living Cafe - an online community for people seeking "Sustainable Success" in Health, Prosperity, Relationships, Work, Home, Organizing, and Clutter Control! There is no charge to join the cafe.

Date: Thursday, November 6, 1:00 - 2:00 pm EST

This will be the first of a monthly series of "Members Only calls" to help you get to know other members of the "cafe" even better!

This month your hosts will be:

Ariane Benefit, Organizing Coach
Ellen Shapiro, Prosperity and Success Coach
Bernadette Armiento, Certified Holistic Health Practitioner

You can ask us anything about organizing, clutter, ADD, chronic disorganization, repatterning, prosperity, holistic heath, nutrition, or whatever is on your mind.

All the details for calling in are here:
http://www.neatandsimpleliving.com/profiles/blog/show?id=2385095%3ABlogPost%3A851

Hope to "see" you there!

p.s. If you know someone who might be interested in being on the call, please forward them this information!

The Neat & Simple Living Cafe is open! You're invited!

I've been talking about my "big announcements" coming this fall and here is one of them!  I'm thrilled to invite you to join me at the Neat & Simple Living Cafe! 

Like a real cafe, this online "cafe" is a casual gathering place where like-minded people, with the common goal of seeking simplified sustainable success, can connect and informally support each other using an extremely easy user Interface.  (To me, it's much easier than Facebook.) 

It's a place to talk about things that matter.  Like how to deal with the life challenges shared by creative people, self-employed people (including Moms who run a home - you're actually self-employed too!)

Why the Cafe?

Back in May, I led an online coaching group called "Getting Unstuck" - it was an amazing experience.  We used a group website to give the members a place to interact between calls. The results were successful beyond my expectations!  People were clearing clutter like crazy, sharing photos and supporting each other. The energy was palpable.  You could feel it over the phone even as people were getting unstuck. Here is just one of the many success story photos from that group.

Find more photos like this on Neat and Simple Living Cafe

Everyone loved it and wanted to stay connected after the the group ended.  So I've been looking for a way to make that happen.  After joining ADDerworld, an online community for people with ADD created by Bryan Hutchinson, (whose book about ADD I reviewed here)  I found my answer:  the Neat & Simple Living Cafe!  This group is completely free, but I will be anouncing the start-up of the new Getting Unstuck coaching group VERY soon!  I'm just putting all the finishing touches on our new "home."

What's so great about the Cafe?

I like it better than blogging and way better than Facebook. It's a much more personal way to connect with people who have common interests and goals. The interface is much simpler to me.  Beyond that, members get to connect with each other...not just with me.  It's truly a group conversation...not just me blogging and people commenting.  I love that any member can write a blog post...so it's actually a community blog!  And it's SO easy to load photos and videos - much easier than using this Typepad blog. I've already added lots of photos and a video clip too!   

FREE MONTHLY CALL!

I've been wanting to do a free monthly call for a long time too, but I resisted the idea of people calling and asking questions when I knew nothing about their background.  I like to personalize my answers - not try to give "one size fits all" answers. Now I'm excited to be hosting a free call every month for members only.  I love that when you ask questions, I might already know something about you from the cafe, and can actually look at your profile and be able to give you better answers! If needed I can follow up with you by commenting on your personal page.  How cool is that! Members will be able to ask questions via the web as well.  From time to time we will also feature other members of the cafe.

Is there a Focus to the Cafe?

Yes.  "Sustainable Success"   Sustaining a Neat and Simple Living lifestyle is a lot more challenging than meets the eye for many people.  Especially for creative people, self-employed people, busy moms, ADDers and other people who easily become overcommitted in their quest for success. 

We will be talking about all aspects of success, not just organizing and clutter control: like designing your life to fit YOU, finding work you love, finding a way to be appreciated for your personal strengths and gifts.

Sustainable success is about learning to work around what other people may call "deficits" or "weaknesses" instead of trying to change what simply cannot be changed. (I'm really starting to hate those words "deficits and weaknesses"  After all, it's not inherently BAD to be a night person, or prefer to keep your options option and improvise.  If we were living in a caveman times, you would truly value those people who can easily stay up late and keep watch over you!  : )  It's only a problem if you are in a job or environment not suited to you. 

When you fight your true nature, it takes so much energy and crushes your soul.  When you criticize yourself on top of that, you become drained and depressed. Your Life becomes one of quiet desperation and increasing isolation. In this cafe, you will find a place where you can connect with like-minded people. Just knowing you aren't alone can change everything and give you the confidence to make your life better.   

Simple living and sustainable success is about much more than organizing, so I invited two brilliant colleagues and friends Ellen Shapiro, Prosperity and Success Coach and Bernadette Armiento, Certified Holistic Health Practitioner to join me as co-hosts in engaging people in conversations about health, nutrition, financial success, energy management, relationships, working from home, ADD, family and much more! Ellen is an MBA and CPA turned "spritualista" in addition to many other talents and will be leading discussions on "prosperity" - in every sense of the word.  They will be hosting discussions in their areas of expertise and lots more over the next few months. 

Community, Not Coaching

Just to clarify, I will not be personally responding to EVERY question people may have, nor attempting to coach people via this forum. This is a place for members to interact. I will participate as time permits and provide content like I do on the blog. Keep in mind that after all, this is a FREE service so I can only give it a limited amount of time.

Who is the cafe for?

People from all walks of life who are fellow seekers of creative simplicity and sustainable success are welcome: moms, self-employed people (and wanna be self-employed : ) creative professionals, coaches, writers, service workers, healers, teachers, professional organizers, bloggers, ADDers, and anyone who resonates with our theme and has something interesting to say about it - any time of day, no matter where you live!

Here's a few things we have in common:

Graphics created by Ariane Benefit, ADHD Organizing Coach

for the Neat & Simple Living Cafe at www.neatandsimpleliving.com

You may use the above graphics on your site but
please include credit as stated above. 
I have designed and created the graphics myself,
they are not clipart. Thanks!

As I've written about before, many creative people share the same kinds of issues as ADDers, and pretty much all self-employed people who are evolving their businesses face the challenge of how to balance it all and create "sustainable" success.  People who are chronically disorganized also share similar issues.

Dr. Hallowell in his book, Crazy Busy, talks about "having ADD-like Traits" a culturally induced syndrome caused by the brain overload associated with our culture and lifestyle choices.  We have so many choices and so much information to process from so many sources that we in constant "over-stimulation" mode.

If you are a person interested in many things and who has lots of ideas, chances are you tend to bite off more than you can chew, collect clutter, and resist routines and schedules. You probably tend to evolve and change frequently and prefer to keep options open. If you do join this, keep in mind that probably something else you are doing will have to be let go. Perhaps less TV and more connecting? : ) 

It's not for everyone, and that's okay.  But if you thrive on life's "happy accidents" and find inspiration in connecting with others who love to explore ideas, you are gonna love the Neat & Simple Living Cafe!

 

Perfectionism & Me - Debbie Jordan Kravitz Interviews me for her book!

On October 9, 2008, Debbie Jordan Kravitz, interviewed me for her upcoming book on Perfectionism! She was so easy to talk to, and so compassionate that I really opened up to her and revealed things I've never talked about "publicly" before. We also laughed a lot and I have to thank her for asking such insight-provoking questions and helping me to understand my perfectionism even more deeply yet in such a FUN way!

Listen to or download the MP3 recording our conversation about Perfectionism and Overcoming Perfectionism here. (note this is about an 86 MB file)

You can listen live right now here! Though it make take a minute to get started.

As another step on my personal journey to recovering from perfectionism, I decided to share the recording with you - in spite of how imperfect I may sound. I hope it helps you in some way understand your own issues. Here are some of the topics we talked about:

• When did you first realize that perfectionism was part of your personality?
• How perfectionism became an issue for me in college and at work
• How becoming a Professional Organizer taught me about ADD
• How perfectionism, ADD and creativity are connected
• How I learned to overcome / manage my own chronic disorganization and clutter issues
• Consequences of perfectionism - what made you realize you needed to change and how do you keep it at bay?
• The biological bases of perfectionism
• How perfectionism is related to your self-concept, image, reputation, ability and desire for being known for quality
• How I learned to give up being perfect about email, writing and other things
• How self-monitoring works
• and much more....

Debbie Jordan Kravitz, can be found at  www.DandRcustomorganizers.com Debbie is my new BFF (BloggingFriendForever) and the brains behind the really cool blog, Virtually Organized. 

Here's the link to Download our discussion on Overcoming Perfectionism!

What is the best way you have found to make yourself smarter and more valuable?

Mark Shead from Productivity 501 conducted a group interview on the Question: 

"What is the best way you have found to make yourself smarter and more valuable?"

My answer was:

Listen, listen, and then listen some more.
Notice the patterns in everything.
Notice what is good before you try to fix what could be better.
Notice the way things work instead of wishing things were different.
Accept what is before you try to change it.
Surrender to what you cannot change.
Truly care about other people.
Seek to first understand before you judge any situation.
Be curious, avoid thinking you already know how people will react to things.

Find out what 15 other experts had to say on this topic!  The similarities, differences and patterns among the answers is really fascinating.

How do YOU make yourself smarter and more valuable?

RELATED:

Here are some other great group interviews on Self Development I responded to.  Group Interviews

Another GREAT post by Mark:  17 Things You Should Stop Doing!

Are you sick of choice?

I just have to rant a little. I am so sick of all the decisions to be made about the stupidest things!

I went to get dental floss at the grocery store and found they stopped carrying the kind I usually use. As if that wasn't annoying enough, there were at least 20 kinds of floss to choose from! I just got overwhelmed and gave up. I decided to look online for it and found out Oral-B stopped making it! (That seems to happen a lot lately.)

It's gotten so out of hand with all these choices for every little thing! Such a colossal waste of my time to spend 10 minutes deciding about DENTAL FLOSS!  How can we make this stop?  sigh...I guess I just have to close my eyes and pick one and hope it's not that thick band kind that I hate!  I never thought I'd be dreaming of good old-fashioned, plain waxed floss.   LOL   

You gotta laugh just to keep from crying sometimes : )

p.s.  the Book title contest ends at midnite tonite!  Is your entry in?  I'll be announcing the winning decision by the end of the week.  : )

http://blog.neatandsimple.com/2008/10/contest-name-my.html

On Self-discipline vs. Changing Core Beliefs from the Inside Out. How I recovered from Addiction.

I think I really touched a nerve in my last post on ADD-Friendly Tips for Healthy Eating: Veggies, Butter and Self-medicating with Food - Am I the only one?

The comments have been very intriguing and thoughtful. But this one - really struck me.

"i wish i had the self-discipline of you."

"self-discipline"?  Me?  My husband would laugh.  I wish I had self-discipline, too!  I have such a hard time controlling my impulses sometimes. For me, it requires constantly educating myself and reminding myself of the truth about foods like sugar and gluten. 

I'm a recovering addict in every sense of the word.  And it took much more than "self-discipline" to even get me to consider quitting, and it still takes much more than that to keep getting myself back on track. What exactly is self-discipline? I like this definition from  Wikipedia

"Self-discipline refers to the training that one gives one's self to accomplish a certain task or to adopt a particular pattern of behaviour, even though one would really rather be doing something else. For example, denying oneself of an extravagant pleasure in order to accomplish a more demanding charitable deed. Thus, self-discipline is the assertion of willpower over more base desires, and is usually understood to be a synonym of 'self control'. Self-discipline is to some extent a substitute for motivation, when one uses reason to determine a best course of action that opposes one's desires."

I did give myself "training," but I went way further.  Willpower doesn't work for me.  I had to create internal motivation powered by core beliefs.  I had to convince myself that sugar is truly a CLUTTER FOOD.  Not only does it have no nutritional power, it attacks your immune system and causes inflammation throughout your body. I had to prove these beliefs to myself - over and over again.

Eating sugar is as addicitive as shooting up heroin. At least for me. Yes, it feels divine, but it's really not. Look what it does to you! The more you have, the more you want. It doesn't kill you, but the more you consume, the more it weakens you. (Especially when you are over 40 and have been eating toxins like sugar your whole life.) It's a vicious cycle. The worse you feel because you ate the sugar, the more you crave the pleasure you get from sugar.

It is incredibly hard to quit sugar.  Most people can't even imagine quitting!  Think about it, could you stop tomorrow?  The pleasure of eating sugar is stronger than even sex for many people. Stopping is like trying to stop breathing!

The Acceptance Stage

The first stage in addiction recovery is to accept that you might have a problem. You have to at least comtemplate that the addictive substance or activity might be the cause of your other problems. Most people won't even consider it. That's how I was. I laughed at the very thought of quitting.

If I wasn't struggling with weight, PMS, depression, and serious pain in my joints, I never would have even though about quitting sugar. I had to first connect my sugar consumption with all of these problems I was experiencing.  My PMS was out of control.  My doctor said it was menopause...but I now KNOW with all my heart it wasn't.  I don't have PMS at all since I quit sugar.  My ADD symptoms get worse when I eat sugar as well.  I didn't "know" that then, I just knew I had to consider the possibility that all the articles I read about how bad sugar is just might be true.

So once I thought about it, what did it really take for me to quit sugar?  Just like with learning to let go of clutter you've had your whole life, there are no easy "tips" and "tools" for this one.  There is no magical "self-discipline". I had to go really deep into some really scary places for me. It took nearly 3 months of getting REAL. I had be honest with myself and "notice" how my addiction really worked. It took intensive soul searching as well as education.  This is a case where my ability to hyperfocus and observe patterns worked out well for me. I focused on sugar like a laser beam to figure out why it had so much power over me. I asked questions like.

Why couldn't I stop putting 4 heaping spoonfuls in my coffee every morning? 
Why do I get such INTENSE cravings for ice cream?
Why do I go to the grocery store and HAVE to buy gum and Snicker's bars while waiting in live?
Why can't I just stop eating sugar?  

But then I had an AHA moment. Trying to answer "why" GETS YOU NOWHERE. 
I made up all kinds of stories about how I grew up poor, how I was abused and grew up in stress and clutter and needed the comfort, yadda, yadda, yadda. None of it helped me get over the addiction.

The kinds of questions that got me moving in the direction of serious change were What and How questions.  The kinds of non-judgemental questions I use with my clients.

What was I really thinking, feeling and believing before, during and after these behaviors?

What did I truly want for myself?  What did I need to be eating to have what I wanted?  How could I comfort myself without sugar?  How could I give up the false notion that sugar foods were comforting? 

The Motivation Phase

Essentially, what finally helped me actually quit and not just keep "trying" to quit was:

• To use intense cognitive behavorial therapy on myself to change my core beliefs that enabled this addiction. 
• To identify and deal with my innermost thought, belief, and emotional patterns. 
• To shine a spotlight on my unconscious habits and become aware.
• I had to physically interrupt my behavior.  I had to re-organize my physical environment, re-organize all my routines that had food connected with them (basically my whole life!.
• Most of all, I needed outside support. I am 100% sure I could never have done this alone.

It became clear to me, I had to get my husband Alan on board. It took weeks of intense conversation with him about what I needed from him. He agreed to attend educational classes with me just to "think about" the possibility of quitting sugar.  I promised him I wouldn't force him to quit with me, but we both knew that if he ate sugar, I would too.  So we attended 8 - 12 weeks of teleclasses with many experts on "sugar shock" led by Connie Bennett. We read books. And luckily for me he became just as motivated as I was to quit sugar!

The  Testing Phase

It took all that effort just for us to TRY an EXPERIMENT!  What would happen if we only ate whole sugar-free foods for 4 weeks?  Just 4 weeks. We needed the personal experience to validate everything we learned.  So we focused on our goals of wanting to feel better, stop having PMS, stop having sinus headaches, etc.  Instead of thinking about quitting sugar, we focused on what we COULD eat instead.  Alan was my knight in shining armor.  He helped me empty our entire house of sugar.  He had to pull the chocolate sauce out of my hand.  Once I picked it up, I couldn't throw it away.  I wanted to eat it so badly.  I needed him to talk be down and remind me why I was doing this.  What did I want more?  Health or Chocolate? 

After 4 weeks, my husband and I were stunned.  We both felt so much better!  It was really true!!!  All the beliefs we "tried on" were becoming more ingrained in us.  Not eating sugar makes us both feel a thousand times better. 

It's been a few years, but I still "test" now and then to see if "maybe I can have just a little?"  Like when I go to a restaurant, and they sit me near the bakery display section, and by the end of the meal I must have a dessert. Then I suffer for a few days. And develop a stronger resolve to never have sugar again.

Or like when I travelled to the NSGCD conference in September to take my Level 2 ADD Specialist Exam (which I passed : )  I was doing fine.  Then they brought out 6 tables FULL of cakes, pies, torts, etc.  They had chocolate and candy dishes everywhere.  It was PURE HELL!  I was strong for a while, but they left them out for what seemed like hours.  Eventually, I had one piece, and then all hell broke loose.  I had some of everything. I felt sick afterwards for days...but have only had sugar once since then.  It's a vicious cycle. n my mind, I won't be "cured" until I can effortlessly resist sugar even when exposed at that obscene level, even while under the stress of travelling.

The Final Integration Phase

I went through a similar process with cigarettes. I guess you could say it took me almost 10 years to truly quit. But it wasn't until they banned smoking in all indoor places in NJ that I could go everywhere and be okay.  Today, I never even think about smoking.  There are no more ads for it. None of my friends smoke. Now, even when I am exposed to it, I don't want it.  I gagged so many times during my last year of "testing" episodes that I finally even threw away the "emergency" pack I kept in my freezer.

I went through a similar process with releasing clutter.  It happened in waves and spirals.  I went through this process with overcoming "overcommitment." Saying "yes" to every new project is a lot like an addictive impulse. It's such a high in the moment, and then later you suffer. And now, I'm doing it with butter and cheese!

This is how you create lasting change.

It's not a perfect straight line.  I must say though, with every habit I change, it gets easier. I develop more confidence that I can do it. It's not discipline.  It's the power of your core beliefs and acceptance of the reality of how things really work. It's is the power of education and self-understanding.  It changes your relationship with the world.

It was the same way with learning to let go of clutter for me.  The impulse to acquire and keep is always in the background...and stress often makes the impulse stronger, but now, I have developed an even stronger automatic thought and belief process that kicks in and helps me make better decisions in response to my impulses.

So what do you think?  Was I self-disciplined?  Or was I self-discovering?  Self-Persuading, maybe?

The creative side of me knows I can't make myself do things just by giving myself "consequences" or even by thinking about the consequences.  It has to go way deeper than that.

ADD-Friendly Tips for Healthy Eating: Veggies, Butter and Self-medicating with Food - Am I the only one?

With the holidays coming up, and realizing that over the summer I actually gained weight, I'm super-focussed and motivated to NOT gain weight and yes, I'm determined to actually LOSE Weight.  Call me crazy, but I have to do this. When it comes to healthy eating, I have spent a lifetime struggling with yo-yo dieting and trying to develop healthy eating habits so that I can maintain a reasonable weight.  And I have a feeling I'm not alone in this.  Especially since reading Pieces of a Puzzle: The Link Between Eating Disorders and ADD and taking a class on the  ADD Classes site called "AD/HD and Eating  Disorders" with Dr. Patricia Quinn.

I have worked so hard at eliminating clutter foods and breaking my food addictions and bad habits that I now understand were / are ADD-related. I'll get into this more in future posts as I work to overcome these issues, but for today I want to recap and then focus on veggies and butter.  Over the last 10 years, I have:

• Quit sugar and overcame my sugar addiction a few years ago 
• Learned to drink only water, tea and coffee.  I stopped drinking soda and juices 10 years ago.
• Cut out all but a few pre-packaged foods and use much less salt.
• Overcome my Gluten Addiction and learned to limit my gluten (breads and pastas) to a couple times a month and usually only in restaurants.
• Stopped using anything with transfat and stopped buying margarine. (they are allowed to say "no transfat" if they have just under 1 gram per teaspoon or tablespoon.  How ridiculous is that?

To give up margarine, I had switched to butter. Now I realize that may not have been my best idea ever.  : ) I have discovered that I have a "fat tooth"!  In particular, I have developed addictive behavior around butter -especially on my vegetables! It was getting out of hand. So, I recently decided to quit butter! The most challenging part for me was eating veggies with nothing on them. I hate to admit it, but I used to drown them in butter.  But not anymore!

I recently discovered frozen "steamable" veggies that come in a bag you can just stick in the microwave for 4-5 mins. They come out perfect and incredibly delicious every time! In fact, the broccoli and brussell sprouts and carrots even taste sweet to me! Even with no butter and very little salt.  It's like a dream come true. It's perfect for people like me who have ADD and often leave things burning on the stove, or have difficulty "activating" to cook a healthy meal.

I still prepare fresh veggies too, but on those days when I can't wrap my head around all the steps to cooking a meal, it's so nice to have a variety of "Steam in Bags" available in the freezer. They even have single serving sizes now! When I use the bigger bags, I have half for dinner and I can either save the other half for dinner tomorrow, or have the other half later as a healthy snack! The really neat thing is that the 12 oz bag of broccoli for example is only 125 calories!  And the smaller portion bags make it so much easier to control portions.

It's made a big difference for me and I'm finally starting to lose weight! 

Next Demons to conquer?  These following will be my focus for the next few months.

1.  CHEESE - I have no power over cheese. Probably because of the fat and salt content. This will be almost as hard as quitting sugar for me. It's such a satisfying fast food! 

2.  NIGHT EATING - I have got to conquer the night eating that results from "self-medicating" ADD related hyperactivity. I've got to stop using food to manage my energy and calm me down.  Why does being "hungry" or "not full" cause me to have so much energy I can't sleep?   

Anyone else have experience with this?  Have you overcome these issues?  I would love to hear from you, particularly if you have ADD and struggle with night eating as a way to mange your energy levels and help you sleep! 

Would also love to hear any tips you have to make healthy eating ULTRA-SIMPLE and easy? 

How do you avoid overeating during the holidays?

RELATED POSTS BY ME:

• Organizing for Your Health: Fast Foods That are Surprisingly Healthy!
• How can you Lose Weight, Eat Healthier, Reduce Kitchen Clutter & Give a GREAT gift?
• ADD ADHD Found to Have Huge Impact on Ability to Follow Weight Loss Program!
• ALL posts on Organizing for Health and Healthy Eating

Ending Poverty - It's not about the money!

It's here!  Poverty is a topic I'm having a hard time being brief about.  It's too personal for me. Having grown up on welfare and transitioned out of poverty I learned many life lessons.  For one, It's not about the money.  Money can't fix the most difficult hurdle of all, learning what you need to learn to pull yourself out.  From the way you talk, the way you dress, the way you walk, to what you expect of friends of what they expect of you, to how to deal with a boss, you've got to change nearly everything about yourself.

As a poor kid in school, how on earth can you care about math, or history, etc. when just about every part of daily life is a struggle?  How can you pay attention to homework, when you are embarrassed on a regular basis because kids ridicule you for not having this or that.  If you do go to college, or get a good job, you now have to try to fit in with this same group of people that made your life miserable!

Assuming you don't win the lottery or marry someone with money, the way out of poverty requires:

• Intense, almost unreasonable, faith, hope and an inner drive to create a better life
• Relentless learning:  how to speak well, dress better, manage money, and many life skills that you don't learn at home, but that the middle class take for granted.
• Willingness to unlearn almost everything you think you know about people and yourself
• Readiness to leave where you live (most of the time)
• In most cases, you will have to give up your current social support system, too.  Very few friends you have before your life changes will still be your friends after - mainly because they will start to feel that you hvae "crossed over" to the other side.  They will feel like you are no longer their equal no matter how hard you try to not have them feel that way.
• It requires hope against hope and resilience for every time you get knocked back down
• You must have faith that you'll make new friends and someday you will feel like you fit in or maybe you will always feel different, but somehow one day, you will adjust, you will find your tribe and feel like you belong somewhere
• Getting out of poverty also requires having someone outside of yourself to believe in you and support when you feel unworthy and ill-equipped to go any further and just want to give up. I was lucky enough to several mentors like this who helped through my darkest days.

Getting out of poverty is extremely complex because it's not about the money or even about what you can learn in a classroom.  It is about what you have to learn about your own identity, what you have to unlearn, and what you have to give up emotionally, socially, psychologically and culturally.  How driven you have to be, how resilient and determined. You have to have extraordinary faith and live through many a shattered dream of what you think it will be like as you transition into a better life materially. 

Nothing turns out to be like you thought it would be. For example, owning a home turns out to be much harder I ever imagined because I never lived in a house before.  I grew up in tenements - I knew nothing about all the maintenance required!

As you get into the work world, you may constantly feel like you don't fit in and have to put on an "act" - faking it till you make it. You have to learn new ways to talk, dress, new manners, new life skills, everything about who you are culturally has to transform in some way.

That is the real reason poverty is so hard to get out of and why you can't just give people money to fix the problem - you have to be willing to give of yourself, your time, and your presumptions of the behavior you expect from people.

From an organizing perspective it makes you especially vulnerable to acquiring clutter and having difficulty letting go of it.  There is so much else you have to let go of just to break through. Getting out of poverty requires a constant process of becoming aware of your values and priorities, making tough choices, letting go of emotional, physical and time clutter, and making room for what's really important to you. As organizing coaches, we are often dealing with people who did not grow up with abundance.  Many of my clients share with me how their organizing difficulties arose from life changes that are generated by having more money.   

I wrote more about my experience with transitioning out of poverty, and ways everyone can help make a difference in their daily lives over at Joyful Jubilant Learning.  I'd be honored if you have a minute to read it and leave a comment.  Also please let me know about your post so I can link to it here.  Thanks for caring enough about poverty to have read this far.  You must be such a compassionate and kind human being.  I appreciate you taking the time to read this post!

MORE GREAT POSTS FOR BLOG ACTION DAY:

• Jeri Dansky - Control the Clutter and Fight Poverty
• Joanna Young - Words That Make A Difference: Blog Action Day
• Cynthia Friedlob - The thoughtful Consumer
• Jackie Hollywood Brown - Adventures in Organizing
• Unclutterer
• K & the 3Ds - On Mentoring to Help Lift Children Out Of Poverty
• Valerie Bowman - Thoughts on Poverty

This post is part of Blog Action Day 08 - Poverty

    

Calling all Organizing Bloggers to Write a Post on Blog Action Day 2008! Theme is Poverty - How can organizing skills and Professional Organizers influence poverty?

This years Blog Action Day Theme hits really close to home for me.  Partly because I grew up on welfare myself and transitioned out after getting my first non-minimum wage job after college.  Also, Partly because as a Professional Organizer and Organizing Coach I often work with people who are living in poverty or are seriously underearning due to their chronic disorganization. 

So I'm reaching out to all my fellow organizers to write about this topid on October 15 and be a part of helping make people more aware of how organizing skills and lack thereof can affect children and families.  Please share any personal or professional experiences you can of how we can have an impact on reducing poverty in this country and around the world!  I'd love to hear from organizers in other countries as well. 

Ways you can participate:

• Send me your link and I'll post it hear and create a list of
  Professionals Organizers Unite in Blog Action Against Poverty!  Feel free to use this Graphic I made and link to   http://blogactionday.org/
  

  

• Sign up for Blog Action Day 2008 and learn more about it here.
• Donate a Day's Earning to Make a Microloan!
• Learn more about Poverty - Web Resources from Blog Action Day

p.s.  Have you seen "If the World Could Vote"   You must check this out!   over 182 countries have cast votes for our president!  I was really surprised at the results so far.  The red and blue map is really interesting!

Simple Living Blog List is Growing Fast! Is your blog on it?

Jack Rugile over at Simple Sapien is putting together a list of Simple Living Blogs and he included Neat & Simple Living.   Here's the list as of today, if you're not on it and you want to have your blog included, head on over and add a comment!

CONTEST: Name my book - win $100!! Find a photo - win $50!! plus bonuses!

TIME IS RUNNING OUT AND I NEED HELP! 

I've got to come up with a new Title for my book by the end of the month so that I can get it published and I'm driving myself crazy! I've been struggling so hard with this decision that my idea fountain is drying up and I've decided to reach out for your help!  My readers are so creative and intelligent (is the flattery working?  tee hee)  that I just know one of you can save me from my agony! : )

Neat & Simple Living Upcoming Teleclasses Calendar

Get information about all the latest events here!

 

Don't miss this chance to Learn from Top Experts at the Virtual ADHD Conference - Save $50! PLUS Get my "Take Charge of Your Paper" e-book - FREE!

Forgive me posting again so quickly, but I just learned that the registration fee for this conference will be increasing by $50 on September 14!  So if you've been thinking about it but haven't registered, now is the time to do it!

How do you prepare for hurricanes and other disasters? Get Organized!

I'm the last person who wants you to live in fear of a disaster. Chances are good you'll never experience one. But, unfortunately, disasters such as hurricanes, floods, fires, and terrorist acts are not as unlikely as they used to be. It seems like hurricane season has just begun and we are already up to "i". Having lived in Florida for 10 years and having lots of friends and family there, I know first hand the chaos and destruction that hurricanes and other natural disasters can cause. My heart goes out to all the victims of the latest devastation that hit Cuba and Haiti and to friends, family and colleagues all along the east coast.

This weekend, as we were preparing our home and backyard to withstand the remnants of Hurricane Hannah which passed through NJ , (thankfully we weren't hit as hard as they had predicted) I was thinking about what I could do to help others be prepared.

Then I got an email from Judith Kolberg, author of Conquering Chronic Disorganization, ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life and Founder of NSGCD, about organizing for disaster.

So rather than reinvent the wheel, I got permission from Judith to allow me to reprint her tips from her article and her latest book, "Organize for Disaster: Prepare Your Family and Your Home for Any Natural Or Unnatural Disaster."

More Famous People Admit they Have ADD ADHD!

Hi Everyone!

We've been watching some of the Olympics and when listening to Michael Phelps talk after his first gold medal win, I said to my dear husband, "you know, he talks really fast. With his level intensity, energy and ability to hyperfocus, I wouldn't be surprised if he has ADD." My husband said:  "Yeah, I can see what you mean."

Well guess what?  He has come out and told everyone that he DOES have ADD (aka ADHD)!  I'm so happy about this because the more and more famous accomplished people tell the world, the less stigma it will have. 

Read the NY Times Story Phelps’s Mother Recalls Helping Her Son Find Gold-Medal Focus  here.

More Posts about ADD on this blog

OTHER NEWS

Having finished one huge project for a client over the summer, I'm gearing up to get this blog going again!  It's been a very healing, soul-searching, busy, strange summer, but right now, things