NEAT & SIMPLE LIVING with Ariane Benefit, Organizing Coach

What is the best way you have found to make yourself smarter and more valuable?

Mark Shead from Productivity 501 conducted a group interview on the Question: 

"What is the best way you have found to make yourself smarter and more valuable?"

My answer was:

Listen, listen, and then listen some more.
Notice the patterns in everything.
Notice what is good before you try to fix what could be better.
Notice the way things work instead of wishing things were different.
Accept what is before you try to change it.
Surrender to what you cannot change.
Truly care about other people.
Seek to first understand before you judge any situation.
Be curious, avoid thinking you already know how people will react to things.

Find out what 15 other experts had to say on this topic!  The similarities, differences and patterns among the answers is really fascinating.

How do YOU make yourself smarter and more valuable?

RELATED:

Here are some other great group interviews on Self Development I responded to.  Group Interviews

Another GREAT post by Mark:  17 Things You Should Stop Doing!

Ending Poverty - It's not about the money!

It's here!  Poverty is a topic I'm having a hard time being brief about.  It's too personal for me. Having grown up on welfare and transitioned out of poverty I learned many life lessons.  For one, It's not about the money.  Money can't fix the most difficult hurdle of all, learning what you need to learn to pull yourself out.  From the way you talk, the way you dress, the way you walk, to what you expect of friends of what they expect of you, to how to deal with a boss, you've got to change nearly everything about yourself.

As a poor kid in school, how on earth can you care about math, or history, etc. when just about every part of daily life is a struggle?  How can you pay attention to homework, when you are embarrassed on a regular basis because kids ridicule you for not having this or that.  If you do go to college, or get a good job, you now have to try to fit in with this same group of people that made your life miserable!

Assuming you don't win the lottery or marry someone with money, the way out of poverty requires:

• Intense, almost unreasonable, faith, hope and an inner drive to create a better life
• Relentless learning:  how to speak well, dress better, manage money, and many life skills that you don't learn at home, but that the middle class take for granted.
• Willingness to unlearn almost everything you think you know about people and yourself
• Readiness to leave where you live (most of the time)
• In most cases, you will have to give up your current social support system, too.  Very few friends you have before your life changes will still be your friends after - mainly because they will start to feel that you hvae "crossed over" to the other side.  They will feel like you are no longer their equal no matter how hard you try to not have them feel that way.
• It requires hope against hope and resilience for every time you get knocked back down
• You must have faith that you'll make new friends and someday you will feel like you fit in or maybe you will always feel different, but somehow one day, you will adjust, you will find your tribe and feel like you belong somewhere
• Getting out of poverty also requires having someone outside of yourself to believe in you and support when you feel unworthy and ill-equipped to go any further and just want to give up. I was lucky enough to several mentors like this who helped through my darkest days.

Getting out of poverty is extremely complex because it's not about the money or even about what you can learn in a classroom.  It is about what you have to learn about your own identity, what you have to unlearn, and what you have to give up emotionally, socially, psychologically and culturally.  How driven you have to be, how resilient and determined. You have to have extraordinary faith and live through many a shattered dream of what you think it will be like as you transition into a better life materially. 

Nothing turns out to be like you thought it would be. For example, owning a home turns out to be much harder I ever imagined because I never lived in a house before.  I grew up in tenements - I knew nothing about all the maintenance required!

As you get into the work world, you may constantly feel like you don't fit in and have to put on an "act" - faking it till you make it. You have to learn new ways to talk, dress, new manners, new life skills, everything about who you are culturally has to transform in some way.

That is the real reason poverty is so hard to get out of and why you can't just give people money to fix the problem - you have to be willing to give of yourself, your time, and your presumptions of the behavior you expect from people.

From an organizing perspective it makes you especially vulnerable to acquiring clutter and having difficulty letting go of it.  There is so much else you have to let go of just to break through. Getting out of poverty requires a constant process of becoming aware of your values and priorities, making tough choices, letting go of emotional, physical and time clutter, and making room for what's really important to you. As organizing coaches, we are often dealing with people who did not grow up with abundance.  Many of my clients share with me how their organizing difficulties arose from life changes that are generated by having more money.   

I wrote more about my experience with transitioning out of poverty, and ways everyone can help make a difference in their daily lives over at Joyful Jubilant Learning.  I'd be honored if you have a minute to read it and leave a comment.  Also please let me know about your post so I can link to it here.  Thanks for caring enough about poverty to have read this far.  You must be such a compassionate and kind human being.  I appreciate you taking the time to read this post!

MORE GREAT POSTS FOR BLOG ACTION DAY:

• Jeri Dansky - Control the Clutter and Fight Poverty
• Joanna Young - Words That Make A Difference: Blog Action Day
• Cynthia Friedlob - The thoughtful Consumer
• Jackie Hollywood Brown - Adventures in Organizing
• Unclutterer
• K & the 3Ds - On Mentoring to Help Lift Children Out Of Poverty
• Valerie Bowman - Thoughts on Poverty

This post is part of Blog Action Day 08 - Poverty

    

Denslow Brown, Monica Ricci, and Judith Kolberg Rocked the NAPO D.C. Conference!!

This past weekend I was thrilled to attend the annual Mid-Atlantic Regional NAPO Conference The primary reason I went was to have the opportunity to meet and learn from three of the most amazing women in the organizing industry today.

Here are the highlights:

• Judith Kolberg (Left in the photo)
• Author of Conquering Chronic Disorganization and Founder of NSGCD.  She gave an awesome opening keynote on "The Super Powers of Disorganized People" which I felt truly honored the innovative and individual ways our brains work.  She pointed out how when you really listen to what's going on in the mind of a chronically disorganized person you can see how their situation is actually often coming from a unique and incredibly creative way of seeing the world.  I can't ever thank Judith enough for pioneering the study of chronic disorganization and a framework for helping people overcome the intensely painful experience of people who suffer from trying to use traditional one-size fits all organizing strategies that simply don't work for a lot of people.

• Denslow Brown (on the right in the photo) is one of the Founding Members of NAPO and NSGCD, a certified MASTER Coach, a certified ADD coach, and the brilliant Leader of The Coach Approach for Organizers with is co-taught by the awesome Cameron Gott who is also an ADD coach.  I'm currently in my 8th week of attending The Coach Approach for Organizers  training. It is one of the single best investments I've ever made.  It covers Coaching skills, ADD Organizing, and ADD Coaching. Her hybrid approach to working with people is so empowering.  It includes coaching, education, consulting AND truly advocating for your clients whose self-confidence and esteem is almost always shattered by the years of negativity surrounding their difficulties with organizing and managing time. Facilitating and empowering are at the core of my coaching services and Denslow's 34 years of experience in the field has so enriched my skillset, I'm sure I could never thank her or honor her enough.
  
  Her first presentation at conference was "Deepening Client Commitment and Connection". It provided an excellent framework for avoiding the "driveby organizing syndrome" in which "you organize them and then go away and pray they can maintain it".  Her approach advocates facilitating true long lasting change by encouraging clients to take ownership and pride in their accomplishments, learn from setbacks, and empowering them to design organizing strategies that work for their unique needs.
  
  She presented a second session titled "Positive Inquiry = Business Success" which was an completely innovative approach to finding your niche in the organizing industry.  I can't wait to take even more training with Denslow and I hope she publishes soon!  : )   Learn more about Denslow here.
• Monica Ricci (in the lower center of the photo) is not only an award winning blogger, she is an outstanding author, TV and Radio host, spokesperson,  speaker, motivator and of course, organizer extraordinaire!  See Monica's Post  NAPO D.C. Hosts Mid-Atlantic Regional Conference.  Seeing her show on TV was so helpful and inspirational to me in my career and I was so thrilled to get to see her do her thing LIVE.  Her energy is unbelievable!  Her keynote speech "Fearful to Fabulous: Embracing Boldness" was phenomenal. She had everyone in tears. I'm so inspired by her - I wish I had it recorded!  She talked about all the ways we learn to be fearful and how we can overcome them.  As with any change, your desire for what you want must be stronger than the pain and discomfort of taking action in spite of your fear.  You have to trust that you will live through the pain and ultimately get what you want!  It's soooo worth it!  Thank you so much Monica for sharing your wisdom and experience so generously!

Much appreciation goes out to NAPO D.C. Metro Chapter for organizing this inspiring and educational event and choosing the such awesome speakers!  It was extremely well organized and worth every penny! 

Organizer & Coach Marcia Francois Shares Her Organizing Tips!

My Interview with Marcia Francois
Professional Organizer & Coach
South Africa

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Q: What motivated you to start your business?

I was in a really bad way, time management-wise, in 2003. I wasn’t eating breakfast or lunch, nor going to gym and was working non-stop until 6pm every night AND STILL NOT COPING! I started working with a coach to get a handle on my life. Of course, the very first thing we worked on was time management. And it changed my life!

After those 3 months, I was taking breaks to eat, going to gym and having a normal, fulfilled life. I saw what a difference coaching made in my life so I decided to become a coach too.

Then a few years later a friend of mine was going through a work crisis and I thought that professional organising would be perfect for her. I told her I’d come along to a course and little did I know that I’d become hooked on organising too. Today, my friend is still at that same job and here I am, with organising being another niche in my bag of tricks.

Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life. Dr. Wayne Dyer Speaks on Living the Wisdom of the Tao Te Ching

I'm currently watching a wonderfully inspirational 3 hour show we recorded on our DVR on our local PBS channel WLIW a few weeks ago.   It's called Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao, by Dr. Wayne Dyer.  It's a seminar based on his one-year immersion in the study of the Tao Te Ching, or Great Way by Lao Tzu (which I read many years ago and in addition to Christianity and Judaism, Taoism is one of the greatest shaping influences on my personal spiritual belief system.)

Dr. Dyer talks about how the Tao Te Ching has helped him release his attachment to clutter and lessen his need to hold on tight to things (in 2006 he let go of 20,000 books and lots of clothing and years of other collections that kept him from being free to live the way he wanted to!) 

It made me remember that I started "unlearning" or letting go of my attachments to things and clutter even longer ago than I thought!   

Related Links

Read various free translations of the Tao Te Ching online

Here's a review of the program from South Dakota Public Broadcasting

Look on the PBS site to find when this is airing in your area.

Here's how you can pledge to support WLIW Channel 21 in NY and  receive a package tickets to see Wayne Dyer at the Javits Center in NY on Nov. 14th 7-10pm. You also get his book, DVD, AUDIO CDs of his workshop and much more.

Need Motivation? See 22 of the Best Motivational Speakers online for FREE!

I've found a great new blog! Steve Aitchison of the UK, writes a really neat blog called Change Your Thoughts.  He recently posted an article with links to 22 videos from the top motivational speakers in the world which you can view online for free!  Speakers include everyone from Oprah to Wayne Dyer to Deepak Chopra.  Also included are Tony Robbins, The Secret and even Steve Jobs and J K Rowling!

I'm not sure if they are all posted with permission, they are on YouTube and Google Video, but I also don't know that they aren't legal, so go check them out! 

Wednesday Wisdom - On Unlearning Cluttering Habits

“I have spent most of my life unlearning things
that were proved not to be true.”

- Richard Buckminster Fuller

My friend Dwayne Melancon of Genuine Curiousity recently invited me to become part of a wonderful community of bloggers called Joyful Jubilant Learning (JJL) which was founded by Rosa Say, a leadership coach from Hawaii who is also the author of Managing with Aloha Coaching.  Rosa is such a warm and energetic spirit that you can feel her energy come through even by email! To get a sense of how awesome she is check out the welcome post she wrote about me.  I'm so thrilled and honored to be part of this talented and insightful group of bloggers!

UNLEARNING SO I COULD LET GO OF CLUTTER - One of my most personal posts yet

My first post  "Things I Had to Unlearn Before I Could Let go of My Clutter" addresses the current theme of the month which is "Unlearning" and it's one of my most personal posts ever.  I'll be posting on the topic again soon because I think it's really important for me to share my own journey in releasing clutter and not just present it as "here's what you have to do." 

My hope is that by sharing my own actual experience, people won't feel like I'm telling them what to do. Letting go of clutter and creating spaces you love to be in is not a simple matter of "follow these steps".  It's a very holistic process that involves your mind, body, emotions, spirit, values, goals, beliefs, health, relationships and more.  My feeling is that you won't be motivated to do it until you believe with all your heart and soul that creating a home or office you truly love is a form of nurturing yourself AND nurturing yourself HAS TO BE IMPORTANT TO YOU.  You have to care enough about yourself to take the time and action necessary to have what you want.

I never fully understood this until I finally took the time to clear clutter and learned how organize my closet in such a way that I could see everything I have and easily get things in and out of it.  It was such a joy every day to use and I finally got it.  I was over 40 years old the first time I really organized a closet and experienced the difference it makes.  I hope you don't have to wait that long!  : )

A home you love doesn't have to look like a page out of a magazine.  It just has to feel good to you. It needs to have just enough order, balance and things in it to make it easy for YOU to the things YOU want to do.  For some people having a lot of stuff feels good and that's okay. But when the stuff is in your way and prevents you from doing other things like cleaning your home regularly, it's too much.  It's time to really start rethinking the habits and beliefs that have gotten you into the situation you are in.    

"Things I Had to Unlearn Before I Could Let go of My Clutter"  is the beginning of me sharing what beliefs and habits I had to let go of so that I could begin to create a home I really love.  I hope you'll stop by and share a comment even if it's just to say hi!

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RELATED POSTS on the topic of unlearning too!

• Release your grip! by Dean Boyer
• Developing a lifestyle of simplicity is not simple!
• Unlearning the power of 'should' by Joanna Young
• Unlearning: The Road by Dave Rothacker

Check out my fellow JJL contributors!

• April Groves
• Ariane Benefit
• Benjamin Bach
• Blaine Collins
• Chris Owen
• Dan Ward
• Dave Rothacker
• David Zinger
• Dean Boyer
• Dwayne Melancon
• EM Sky
• Greg Balanko-Dickson
• Joanna Young
• John Richardson
• Karen Wallace
• Phil Gerbyshak
• Rosa Say
• Steve Sherlock
• Terry Starbucker
• Tim Draayer
• Tim Milburn
• Toni Howard

Wednesday Wisdom - Using what you have to get organized without spending a penny!

WISDOM

I have always preferred having wings
to having things.

                   - Pat Schroeder

This quote is so true for me.  In 1992 when I moved from Oak Park, Illinois, to NJ I had to sell or donate nearly everything I had.  Because I had so much stuff it had cost my company over $14,000 to move me out to Illinois.  (I told you I used to be a packrat)  But when I wanted to move back to NJ, the only way I could afford it was to lighten my load. (it only cost me $1200 to move back) I eventually collected more stuff, but then I let go of it once again after I got my first Feng Shui Consultation.  Read here about how letting go of clutter may have been the thing that helped me get married for the first time when I was 41 years old!  Ultimately, my quest to let go of clutter led me to finding my passion, taking charge of my own happiness, and starting this business which has truly given my spirit wings.

BONUS NEAT & SIMPLE ORGANIZING TIP!

Here is my latest foray into using what I already have to get organized.  I needed a plastic bag holder in a closet where I put a litter box for my cats.  I didn't want to run out and spend $12 on a new one, so I thought for a minute, and here's what I came up with...I took the last few tissues out of the package and stuffed it with plastic bags!  It works like a charm!

Happy Fourth of July!  : )

Is it worth trying to change? If so, how can you make change easier?

Wednesday, I wrote about the myth of changing habits in 21 days and touched on whether or not it's worth trying to change. Changing anything, not just habits, can creates a tremendous amount of stress for some people. Assessing what habits are worth changing is part of self-acceptance and self-esteem.  It takes a strong sense of self and a steady character to resist the forces out there that make you feel like there is something wrong with you if you don't do things their way! 

Although some people thrive on change, and some are even addicted to change, even good change can create a lot of cognitive dissonance, confusion, and emotional pain. Think about the last time you rearranged your furniture.  It may have taken a couple days to not bump into things.  When I moved my office, as much as I loved it, after 5 years of going in one direction, it felt a little weird at first to come up the stairs and go in the opposite direction. But it was so worth it! 

What makes changes worthwhile? In large part, it's the degree of reward or the payoff you believe you will get once you assimilate the change - how much you care about that payoff - and how painful you perceive the change to be.  Better health, Less Stress, Peace of Mind, Better Performance Reviews at Work, Happier Marriage all are wonderful goals, but if the pain you experience in trying to make the desired change is greater, you won't succeed in changing - unless you can minimize the pain, or how you perceive the pain.

Once you decide to change, "changing" is actually a process which has predictable phases you can anticipate and emotionally and physically prepare for.  The phases of change are Initiation, Disorientation, Reorientation, and Integration.  Each of these is discussed below.

1.  Initiation - One factor that greatly affects the stress level you feel during change is whether or not you initiate the change or someone else is requiring you to change as in a job layoff, or a spouse giving you an ultimatum to lose the clutter or get divorced.  For this discussion, I'm going to assume you want to change.  There is a whole other level of difficulty in accepting changes that are thrust up on you.

2. Disorientation - This is the most challenging phase and can make or break your success in changing. The degree of disorientation and/or pain you feel during this stage is directly proportional to:

• The degree of the magnitude of the change.
• How much you are in control of the change.
• How compatible the change is with your core beliefs
• How well you are meeting your conscious AND unconscious needs
• How entrenched the old habits are or how long you've had the things
• How right for your innate personality and preferences the change is
• How risk averse you are
• How much you need to be in control
• How ready you are for the change

Feelings during this stage are relative to how much you want the change and how deeply your old habits are ingrained. 

The Role of Unconscious Needs

One of the biggest obstacles to change people face is unconscious needs.  You can learn about your true inner needs by trying to change! For example, holding on clutter may be meeting a need to avoid social contact that you don't realize you have till you no longer have the clutter.  Or perhaps you have a deep security need, or a fear that you are unaware of till you try to change.  There could even be a genetic component that is compelling you to hold on to the way things are.  Some of us are born risk takers willing to take the chance "we might need that someday".  Or perhaps we have a deep sense of security that allows us to belief that our needs will always be met.  When our unconscious needs conflict with what we want, change is more challenging.

The Role of Beliefs

Another major source of disorientation in this phase is our beliefs.  For example, when trying to let go of things, some people believe they are "losing a part of themselves"  or that "things have feelings so they need a good home to go to" or that "it would be a waste to throw away something functional" (in fact, you aren't using it, you are also "wasting" it.) These beliefs lead to intense fears and often are simply not true. But we are emotionally attached to our beliefs and they can be very difficult to change.

When you try to change, your unconscious needs & beliefs surface and can cause feelings of anger, denial, and anxiety. Unless you have truly changed the underlying beliefs, and /or find another way to meet your unconcious needs, there will often be some kind of pain and this can manifest itself in some very negative ways, even beyond backsliding, like substance abuse or developing a new addiction.

That's why even self-initiated changes such as quitting smoking can cause intense feelings of anger, denial, and anxiety - no matter how much you want to change! 

Denial is often involved in backsliding.  You tell yourself, just one cigarette won't matter, etc.  This is the phase where emotional and environmental support is critical.  For example, if you are trying to quit smoking, you may need a support group.  If you are trying to exercise on a regular basis you may need a friend or personal trainer to motivate you through the change.

In the organizing realm, you may need a professional organizer.  A lot of what I do as a professional organizer is help people minimize the pain of this phase by helping them:

• Become aware of their deeper attitudes and beliefs toward their things and toward organizing so they can change them to more productive beliefs
• Reframe their relationships to their things before letting them go
• Design change so that it works with their natural style as much as possible
• Make their environment support the change by redesigning the layout, changing the  things that are in it, and even by decorating - changing paint colors, etc. - to make the space they operate in more attractive.
• Hold their future vision so they stay motivated to get through to the other side of side of change. 
• Reward themselves for their efforts and their successes
• Integrate joy into the process wherever possible!

There actually can be joy experienced in this phase if you try to make it so!!

3. Reorientation - This is where the change starts to really take root.  Let's use the "quit smoking" habit again.  When I quit, I mean, after the many, many times I quit, it tooks years for me to stop craving a cigarette when I saw others smoking.  Thankfully, it did finally happen.  For me, the strategy I used was to make myself hate smoking was to smoke a very stale cigarette when I just couldn't resist smoking. It would make me gag and feel nauseous and the cravings eventually stopped. You don't always need to be this radical, but it worked for me!  : )   During this phase you start experiencing the benefits of the change and no longer mourn the loss of the way things used to be.

4. Integration - This is where the change becomes so ingrained, you can barely remember the way it used to be.  You know, like when people say they can't imagine life without their kids.  Or when after you've moved a couple miles from where you used to live, you stop going on automatic pilot to your old house.  Or when you never think about smoking at all and can't even remember why you liked it.  Okay that may be a little exaggeration, but I'm sure you get my drift here!

It's important to note that this model describes successful change.  But not all changes are successful. And not all should be!  Some things we should never get used to if we can help it.  Like habits that are abusive or unhealthy.

But understanding this model can help you identify your obstacles to making the personal changes you want to make.  By preparing to give yourself the support you need to make each phase successful, you can change.  Sometimes you need an external support system...and there is nothing wrong with getting the support you need!  And sometimes, you need to:

Accept the things you cannot change;
Have the Courage to change the things you can;
and have the Wisdom to know what not to bother trying to change!

Wishing you many successful changes!

Hope for Compulsive Shopping - Just do MORE of it!? : )

Dr. Amie Ragan of The Psychology of Clutter blog wrote this brilliant post on how she helped a client who couldn't pass up a bargain and cluttered her home and closets with all the "treasures".  She used a technique called therapeutic paradox or paradoxical intention.

If you've struggled with compulsive shopping or excessive compulsive cluttering, Read all about it here!

Here are a couple other GREAT blogs dealing with the underlying emotional side of letting go of clutter.

• The Thoughtful Consumer by Cynthia Friedlob
• It's not about your stuff! by Jessica Duquette

Do images affect your mood?

It's so good to be back after time away getting recharged!  In going through and catching up on email I found a really interesting request from a friend Iyna Bort Caruso who is the author of "The Everything Home Storage Solutions Book"

She is working on an article and needs input.  Here's her question:

"Is there a painting/print in your home that actually changes your mood or the way you feel?  For instance, when you're upset, sick or stressed, do you ever stop and stare at a particular image knowing it's going to calm you?  I'd love to hear about it."

Here's an excerpt from my response:

For me it's not a painting or print per se...but I do like to look out at my backyard and garden.  We spend a lot of time making our backyard landscaping and garden look good because we have a sunroom that looks out at it, and I also have 2 bay windows in my kitchen that look out at the backyard.  The visual of the garden changes and watching the squirrels & chipmunks and birds is very relaxing and calming for us.  We also love to just watch our 3 cats play or sleep whatever.  They are awesome.

I'm collecting responses for Inya and would love it if you would leave a comment telling us about any special image you like to look at that changes the way you feel.  I'll let you know when her article is out!

Thanks! : )

A Balanced Review of "The Secret" Finds a Few Flaws and Summarizes 8 Great Lessons for Creating Our Own Best Life

  "The Secret" seems to be either loved or hated by most people.  But this review by Sarah Zeldman is extremely balanced.   If I wrote up all my thoughts on "The Secret" DVD, I could not have written a better review than hers.   (Reading Sarah's writings often feels like she is putting my thoughts into words perfectly. I have a soulmate living up there in Canada!)

The Flaws in "The Secret"

Sarah brings a balanced perspective and does an excellent job pointing out the flaws in the so-called "science" of the secret.  For example, "The Secret" is too materialistically focused and it makes achieving success sound way too simple and magical.   These are the flaws that turn people off.  These flaws are also why I don't wholeheartedly recommend the book or video to everyone and I personally would not pay to see it or own it.  But I do recommend at least exposing yourself to it if you can view it for free.

Like the people showcased in "The Secret", I do believe that you can manifest the life you want - once you get clear.  Unfortunately, that is another way "The Secret" is not very helpful.  It doesn't provide much guidance on how to get really clear about what you truly deeply need and want.

Like me, Sarah believes James Arthur Ray's  version “Think, Feel, Act.” is a much better description of how you make your dreams and goals a reality than “Ask, Believe, Receive.”  You must take action.  If you take the first steps towards your dreams - even if you don't know exactly how you will make it the rest of the way - that is a profound act of faith in yourself.  And Faith in yourself is absolutely essential.  You have to believe in yourself and trust yourself enough to be willing to learn as you go and to believe that even if you fail you will figure out the right thing to do next. 

The Best of "The Secret"

I really like that even while pointing the flaws in "The Secret", Sarah doesn't throw the baby out with the bathwater.  She has extracted 8 great lessons found in "The Secret" about how we both "attract AND create" our own happiness and success.

Every single one of her 8 "best of" points is spot on. I would only add that our life's purpose & goals must include an element of service to others.  No matter how trivial it may seem. If we are too self-centered and only want things for ourselves - we will struggle to achieve them. 

For example, suppose you want a loving releationship.  If you only focus on what you want from the other person...you will struggle.  When you focus on becoming a more loving person and think about what you can do for others, you will then be able to "attract" more love into your life. 

Here are 4 of Sarah's 8 great points that summarize beautifully the best of "The Secret".

"*Get clear about what I want to achieve with my life.
* Be ready to act on “inspired ideas” or “opportunities” that come me.
* Reframe bad situations in a positive light.
* Be grateful for what I have every day."

Read Sarah's Full Review Here

RELATED CONTENT

Skeptics

Newsweek's skeptical article: Decoding the Secret

Skeptics Dictioanary - http://skepdic.com/lawofattraction.html

Believers

Oprah's segment on: Setting Intention, Paying Attention and Taking Action... 

James Ray, the Science of Success How to Attract Prosperity and Create Life Balance Through Proven Principles

Oprah's website on forgiveness

Dr. Michael Beckwith's  site

See The Oprah Segment on The Secret 

On Oprah's website: Oprah's first show about the Secret

On Oprah's website:  Oprah's followup show on "the Secret"

The Book:  the Secret

Related Posts I've Written On Success:

• How I Got Married for the First Time - over 40
  In 2005, I wrote about how I cleared clutter and made room for someone to be in my life.
• Clutter Clearing Pays Off Big Time!
• The Happiness Project - Now that's Neat Living!

Monday "Link Love" Fest! Don't miss these fabulous posts from Inspirational Bloggers!

Over the weekend I decided to catch up with some of my favorite bloggers and I found so much to learn and be inspired by!   So I decided to have a Link Love Fest and just put a bunch of great links in one post!  So without further ado, here are some of the best, most insightful and inspiration posts I found!  These are not in any particular order - they are all awesome posts! 

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Learn the Rules with Liz

"Business Rules They Don't Teach in School".  From the warm and super-smart Liz Strauss of www.Successful-Blog.com we have a series of insightful rules that are true for business and life in general.  I love her canoe analogy which illustrates Rule #6 !

"Focusing on the past can’t fix the future. Focusing on the future might."

It does no good to blame or find fault or regret...just focus on making things right!

Rules Posts by Liz
Business Rule 5: Never Underestimate the Power of a Voice on the Telephone
Business Rule 4: You Know Your Truth — Listen to Yourself
Business Rule 3: In PRM, the First Test Always Outweighs the Final
Business Rule 2: How to Do What You Want
Business Rule 1: Working at Home and Doing it Right

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Get Healthy with Wendy

The Psychology of Losing Weight
The Psychology of Losing Weight - Listening
When is it Time to Leave an Alcoholic? (Her advice applies not only to being involved with alcoholics but with people with any addiction that is ruining your lives - including clutter.

These are from the fabulous fountain of inspiration, WendyPiersall.com - )

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Cultivate Enthusiasm with Mark!

5 Reasons Why Enthusiasm is Better than Confidence This is is a post that will make you smile no matter what you are feeling when you read it! From Mark McGuiness and the "Wishful Thinking" Blog (with thanks to the wise, witty & wonderful Gretchen Rubin of the Happiness Project for introducing me to this great blog!)

"Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm."
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Bust a Myth - This is a Shocker!

You don't really need 8 glasses of water a day!  You must read this study from Dartmouth University!  Personally, I drink 2-6 glasses a day depending on how I feel.  I can never get down the full 8!  Thanks to Gretchen Rubin of the Happiness Project for finally helping me not feel guilty about this!  : )

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Get Happy with Gretchen

A refinement of my earth-shattering happiness formula. Gretchen Rubin of the Happiness Project strikes gold every time she touches the keyboard - this is a platinum insight from her!

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Become a Great Blogger with Brian, Liz, Sarah, Robin &  Wendy

I can't share just one post from these guys...if you want to be a better blogger, check out these masters.

http://www.copyblogger.com/  Brian Clark
http://www.successful-blog.com/ Liz Strauss
http://www.bloggingexpertise.com/ Sarah Lewis
http://www.sleepyblogger.com/ Robyn Tippins
http://emomsathome.com/blog/ Wendy Piersall

Check out the SOBCon'07 event!  A Relationship Bloggers’ Conference and
Networking Event in Chicago Relationship Bloggers Unite! SOBCon ‘07 This promises to be a fabuous event!  I wish I could go!

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That's it for today...I'll be back with more later in the week!

Cultivating the Happiness Habit

Ben Franklin's Thirteen Virtues are timeless. And Gretchin Rubin's latest post reminds us that happiness is not a destination...it is a byproduct of cultivating positive habits in which we respect & take care of ourselves & others. And guess what number 3 on the list of virtues is?  Order.   Being organized is not just about giving yourself easy access to the things you need. It's essential to your fundamental ability to be happy!

Here's the full list from his autobiography.

1. TEMPERANCE. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation. 
2. SILENCE. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.
3. ORDER. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.
4. RESOLUTION. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve. 
5. FRUGALITY. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing. 
6. INDUSTRY. Lose no time; be always employ'd in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions. 
7. SINCERITY. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly. 
8. JUSTICE. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty. 
9. MODERATION. Avoid extreams; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve. 
10. CLEANLINESS. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation. 
11.TRANQUILLITY. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable. 
12. CHASTITY. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dulness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation. 
13. HUMILITY. Imitate Jesus and Socrates. 

Cultivating all of the virtues, and becoming organized especially, is about developing new habits to replace the ones that aren't serving you.  Gretchen has devised a Score chart system for herself that is worth reading about.   

One of her readers left a comment suggesting a site that features a really neat & extremely simple way to use technology to help you track your goals and change your habits.  The developer was also inspired by Benjamin Franklin's 13 Virtues!   Check out www.joesgoals.com .  You won't be sorry! 

Free Hugs For All

I found this amazing video on Micheal Port's Book Yourself Solid blog.  It brought tears to my eyes. And true holiday spirit to my soul.

I'd definitely give this guy a hug. Would you?   You must watch it to the end....

This video has been viewed on YouTube.com over 256,000 times.

Hugz,

The Perfect Gift: SPA Music & Soy Candles

If you can't afford to give someone you love a whole day at the spa, here is a beautiful and affordable alternative!  Check out this SPA & Candle gift collection!

It was created by my dear friend and former roomate, Robin Spielberg who is the pianist and composer!  Robin Spielberg is one of the top pianists in the world today.  She has toured all over the world and is currently on a U.S. Tour.

I have all 14 of her albums (including a Christmas collection and a Chanukah collection which is one of my all time favorites of hers) and have given them as holiday gifts to friends, clients and colleagues many times over the years.  They are always enthusiastically received and people always askfor more!  Her music is timeless and ageless.  Everyone loves it...even die-hard rock & roll fans.

And the ORLA Soy candles are heavenly!   The cucumber-melon scent alone is enough to make you smile and relax.  Combined with Robin's incredibly beautiful piano music, you can curl up with a book and forget about all your cares. 

To order directly from Robin go here! You will not only be giving someone a gift they lwill cherish forever, you will be supporting an extremely talented independent musician!

www.robinspielberg.com

Wishing you Neat & Happy Holidays!

Do You Know "The Secret" to Life?

I've been hearing a lot about the movie "The Secret" and now you can see it for Free!  Jessica Duquette at "It's not about Your Stuff" has arranged for you to see it for FREE! What are you waiting for? Check Out "The Secret!" 

Enjoy!

The Tyra Banks Show chose Neat Living to organize a room for one of their guests!

What a great way to end the week! I was stunned when I got a call from Jessica at the Tyra Banks show. To be honest, I thought my friend Jessica Duquette was playing a little joke on me when she said "Hi, this is Jessica calling from the Tyra Banks show and we need a professional organizer in New Jersey to help organize a bedroom for one of our guests" At first I laughed, but then quickly realized this was for real!

I discovered Tyra's show a couple month's ago when Tivo recorded it for me.  I was so impressed with her kindness and generosity to her guests.  She always takes the high road.  But I never imagined in my wildest dreams her generosity would connect her to me!  She had her assistant contact me simply to help a past guest from New Jersey who needs a room in her home organized! 

They bought a gift certificate from me, and the real kicker is they aren't planning to do a show around it.  They just wanted to help her out.  Isn't that amazing?  I tend to get so cynical about corporate motives at times...this was just so uplifting.  Not only did they find me and choose me which is a huge honor in itself, but Tyra is truly doing this out of the kindness of her heart!  No ulterior motives to get publicity or show how great she is.  If I was a fan of hers before...I'm a RAVING fan now!

If you haven't seen her show, check out her website... www.TyraTV.com  she has some very interesting topics as well some just fun topics!  Thank you Tyra for uplifting me in so many ways.  What a great example you are to the young people of this country! 

And to make my week complete, I got a Blog of the Day Award!  The universe is smiling at me and I'm smiling right back!   It's hard to describe how good it feels when all the hard work and long hours I've put into building Neat Living as a resource to help ease people's suffering and acheive their dreams is recognized.  As the mom on Extreme Makeover Home edition last week said, "what word is bigger than thank you?"

Do you make the mistake of thinking Organizing should be easy?

Gretchen Rubin from the Happiness Project posted a wonderfully insightful and interesting perspective about what a mistake it often is to tell ourselves and others that things should be "easy"  I love the detail and examples she gives.  For example,

"... if you ask someone to do something, and you characterize it as difficult or a lot of trouble, paradoxically, in my experience, people are more willing to help. They know you recognize their effort. Once a friend sent me an email with the subject line, “Quick favor.” In fact, the favor was going to take some work on my part, and I was irritated by her characterization of it as easy."

Haven't we all been annoyed when someone says "oh it will be easy"  and it's anything but!

This is a principle I learned in education psychology and it has served me well in organizing.  When you tell people that something is not easy, and they achieve it, their motivation and self-esteem is enhanced. 

Almost all my organizing clients have gotten very down on themselves because they think it should be easy to be organized.  Or perhaps their family members tell them they should be able to do it without help.  They see people for whom it's "natural" and feel bad about themselves. 

But organizing is anything but easy for many people.  It takes energy, time, motivation, effort, analytical skills, creativity tools and knowledge. It means knowing yourself and realizing that what works for one person won't necessarily work for you and your lifestyle. 

I think learning to organize is a lot like learning a musical instrument...there are gifted people for whom organizing comes naturally and they can "play by ear", but many of us have to learn new ways of looking at our things and the tools we use to organize, some of us need a teacher and have to practice every day before we making harmony in our lives on a daily basis becomes a habit that we incorporate into our lives as seamlessly as brushing our teeth.

The same is true with happiness, we aren't designed for 24/7 happiness nor are we designed to be orderly 24/7.  We can't be "cheerfully" happy all the time nor can we be organized ALL the time.  Organizing and Being Happy, pretty much everything in LIFE is NOT all that easy! And it really can very annoying when people make it seem like it is easy.  But with effort and practice...we CAN help make life a little easier for ourselves and each other by trying to be organized and trying to be happier.  It's not easy, but it can be done - and the rewards ARE worth the trouble!

Gretchen, Thanks for being my guru of happiness!  I love getting your posts in my email! 

Here' the link to Gretchen's post

Do you make the mistake of describing a task as “easy” or “no big deal”?

Getting over Procrastination

Dwayne over at "Genuine Curiosity" came up with a great technique for overcoming procrastination and getting the kids and the whole family to tackle a goal they've been putting off.  His goal was to "Reduce clutter and get rid of stuff we don't use any more."  A very admirable goal!  But how to get the family to participate in getting things done???

He came up with a creative way to get the kids involved. His solution was:

"Pick one box o' mystery and process it. ...  Processing means:

• tossing out anything that's trash, broken or unusable,
• putting misplaced things where they belong,
• getting rid of stuff we never should've kept in the first place (how many Happy Meal toys do we really need?)
• sorting and finding a permanent home for anything that looks remotely like a collection,
• putting anything that's still usable into our 'giveaway box' so we can donate it"

I love this idea!  It gets the family working together on a common goal...so they are not only accomplishing a task, they are spending time together!  He reports that his kids actually look forward to it. 

What he did with his family is a WONDERFUL example of how to overcome procrastination! Procrastinating usually has at least 3 dimensions to it.  physical, emotional and mental or logistical. He addressed all 3 in his "box o' mystery"  solution! 

1 - Physical - He chunked out the physical task to simplify it and make it less tiring.  This is critical!!!  If he has made the task a whole room instead of just one box at a time...it may not have worked!

Another factor to consider in the physical dimension is your own energy.  Are you rested? Have you had enough water? Is your clutter itself draining your energy?  If so, you may need to start small and clear a small clutter free haven for your self to gather your energy.  You may even need to go outside for a walk to recharge. 

2 - Emotional - He made the task fun and social by having the whole family work together on it. Not just telling the kids to do it. The subconscious reward for them was having quality time with Dad. 

The emotional side of getting things done cannot be overlooked. You may need to reframe the way you look at a task. What are you saying to yourself about the task? What could you be saying to yourself to make it less stressful? Another way to address the emotional side of an organizing task is to make a list of the benefits of getting it done. You can also get a friend or family member to help!  My husband and I do what we call "clutter dating."  Remember, "joys shared are doubled, and troubles shared are halved" I don't remember who said that but they were so right! Another way to make a task more fun is to add an element of a game or competition to it. Maybe set up a timer and see who gets the most done is certain amount of time.

 

3- Mental/logistics - He broke down the process into steps, set criteria AND made the rules and steps clear to the whole family.  Communication is important here!

Not having a process and steps defined is a BIG reason people get overwhelmed when thinking about getting a job done. This is because when you don't have a steps in mind, and you don't have it chunked it out, you tend to overestimate how long it will take AND how difficult it be. Then you start to panic! Often just deciding where to start, defining the steps, setting a timeframe and taking the first step will set you on the path of getting the whole job done in no time!

Here's the link to Dwayne's complete post about the Box o' Mystery
http://www.genuinecuriosity.com/genuinecuriosity/2006/04/box_o_mystery.html

So what task are you going to break down and stop procrastinating about today?  : )

Tackle It Tuesday - Inspiring Organizing Makeover Photos!

If you are looking for inspiration and examples of Do-it-Yourself organizing makeovers, you will LOVE the Tackle it Tuesday posts on the 5 Minutes For Mom Blog!

Tackle it Tuesday was created by Janice and Susan, identical twins and founders of 5 Minutes for Mom as a way to motivate themselves and others to get their homes under control!  Each week on Tuesday, they post before and after pictures of a project or trouble area that was tackled this week. Many Moms are participating! 
http://www.5minutesformom.com/category/blogging/meme/tackle-it-tuesday/

Read more about the background here:
http://www.5minutesformom.com/160/tackle-it-tuesday-update/

I love this idea!  What a creative use of blogging!  It doesn't have to be a big project...any little thing will do! 

UNDER THE KITCHEN SINK

Even though I did this a while ago, I'm sharing the before and after pix from my under the kitchen sink project!

BEFORE

When we moved in 5 years ago, I used an old dish drainer and a blue basket you can barely see in the back...but the stuff had outgrown the containers and it was a pain to get to stuff!

AFTER

The dish drainer got donated and I got a locker shelf from Staples and a shelf/basket unit from my Neat Living Store to  organize things better! The blue basket now has all my plant watering & feeding stuff.  (Yes, I use an old water bottle : )  And the shelf/basket with drawer is PERFECT for holding sponges and smaller stuff.  I love it! It's really great quality too. And it fits perfectly in my small sink cabinet.  Every other time I had tried to buy a similar unit at LNT or something, I had to return them for being too big.  So be sure to measure first!

You can get the shelf/basket (FREE SHIPPING TOO!) here http://www.organizedshoppingcart.com/product_detail.php?product_id=1107&ref=1123439731

Time Management - Is doing something better than doing nothing? Can you still make a difference?

John Trosko over at OrganizingLA Blog: made a particularly intriguing post last week inspired by the Ask Marilyn column.  John shares many great tips and ideas on getting organized, life, blogging & more.  But this post just stopped me in my tracks! I'm going to let you just read it for yourself : ) 

Here's the post followed by my response: 

The Ask Marilyn Column in last Sunday's Los Angeles Times Parade Magazine had an interesting question and we'd like to share it.  It has everything to do with organizing, and creating new habits.  We'll post the entire question and answer here, breaking every copyright law known in media.  But you can click here to check out Marilyn vos Savant's other archives and her new online headquarters

Question:

"Please settle an argument. My friend believes that if you take a single vitamin, you will be just a little healthier than if you never had taken one. Or if you park a car inside a garage only two or three times, its body will be in better condition than if you hadn’t, even if the difference is so small you can’t see it. His reasoning is that something is always better than nothing. I disagree. What do you think? —Gary Manata, Carlsbad, Calif."

Answer:

"I think he’s wrong. The difference must be large enough to matter in some way—any way—or nothing is “better.” Something has been lost: time. Whether your friend is taking a vitamin or parking his car, he is spending precious time—which is a limited resource—and maybe money. Too many people spend time and money pursuing lots of goals just a little. - Marilyn"

Are you wasting time in your daily life only getting your feet wet persuing your organizational goals?

http://organizingla.blogs.com/organizingla_blog/2006/07/time_management.html

MY RESPONSE:
What a thought provoking post!!!  But I have to disagree with Marilyn. For a genius her logic is rather faulty!

I believe that doing something is almost always better that doing nothing!  Especially when it comes to exercising and organizing! Doing "something" won't get you all the benefits of doing it perfectly, but it's better to tread water than to do nothing and drown.

Good habits can get started with small actions. Like putting your toes in the water, then your legs, etc. It may be "better" to dive in and get it over with, but some people can't take the stress of that and will never do it again if it's too painful.

Walking a little extra 2-3 times per week, to me is a great thing. After a couple weeks of that, the person may start to feel better enough to walk 4-5 times per week, etc. If they don't walk at all, their health will suffer even worse.

All or nothing thinking is often what keeps people from getting started organizing at all (as well as many other things) I think people have to try and do what they can towards a goal.

They don't have to organize the whole house at once. They could start with a drawer, or start letting go of one thing per day until it gets easier to let go of things.

Imagine if everyone said, "well, I can't recycle everything, so I won't recycle anything." I believe it's better to recycle what you can and not sweat being perfect.

To me, having too many goals and only doing all of them part way is a different issue. But even that is probably better than having no goals at all. : )

What do you think?

All the best,

10 Tips for Reaching a Goal

Here's a neat nugget from an older post at the The Happiness Project. Gretchen Rubin quotes 10 tips from Émile Coué on Reaching a Goal.

Here are my Top 3 favorites.

• Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. It’s better to do something imperfectly than nothing perfectly. 
• Always think of what you have to do as easy and it will become so.
• Sometimes it helps to keep the stakes low at the beginning, so you feel less worried about making a mistake; sometimes it helps to keep the stakes high from the beginning, so you're not tempted to slack off.

                                                                    Émile Coué.

Read More at http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/2006/03/this_wednesday_.html

I couldn't resist this goals grid, neat huh?

Goals Grid - Source = http://www.flickr.com/photos/legweak/65711109/

The Happiness Project - Now that's Neat Living!

Now here's a really neat way to spend a year of your life!  Gretchen Rubin is writing a book and an amazing blog called The Happiness Project. It's about spending a year testing every principle, tip, rule, theory, and scientific study about happiness and reporting on what works!  How cool is that????  She includes so much neat stuff that I'm going to have to do a series a posts about her.  This is definitely one of those must- see - "wish I'd thought of that, but I could not have said it better myself"  blogs!

I think the Happiness Project is a FABULOUS idea.  And it has inspired me share my thoughts on happiness here with you - because you really can't experience true happiness without learning to let go of emotional and physical clutter from the past and without establishing a peaceful order in your life.  Not perfection, but a sense of order.

 
Happiness for me, at least, was VERY hard won.  I grew up on welfare in a very violent, abusive home with angry alcoholic parents. My father finally left us alone (thankfully) when I was 8 and I haven't seen him since.  The violence didn't end there though. My next stepfather was almost as bad.  My mother took out her frustration on her kids, and on a succession of boyfriends and husbands.

Happiness Poster - Photo source:
http://flickr.com/photos/justinshattuck/198831800/

Without going into lots of gory detail on my life story, let's just say that I developed a very strong need to be responsible, especially for my younger siblings, a strong need for order to counteract the clutter and emotional chaos in my childhood, a strong need to please, to achieve, and to basically be perfect - perfect grades, perfect home, perfect work assignments, and to have perfectly happy bosses, students and clients.

I moved out of my mother's apt. (can't call it home) the first time when I was 12 to be a live-in babysitter and housekeeper for a single mom.  I got a job and my own small apartment when I was just 14 - so that I could help my 4 younger siblings get away from my mother.  I took on a lot of survivor's guilt for being the oldest and strongest of 5 kids and took on a lot of responsibility as well.  I also had a lot of distrust, fear and disappointment just under my perfectly responsible surface.  Even today I have a hard time sharing my imperfections, but I've gotten much better about it.  As you can imagine I was anything BUT happy.

I can actually vividly remember the first time I started to feel like I had found peace in the world.  The first time I felt truly deeply happy.  Not just the momentary earned happiness of getting good grades, getting a rave review from a client, or getting a good job or promotion.  I mean really feeling happy with my imperfect self and feeling just peaceful existing in the world.

It was just after I turned 40, the culminations of all my struggles, achievements, and learnings finally started to sink in. I remember a deep peaceful feeling of acceptance, forgiveness, faith, and of letting go - letting go of the past, letting go of failures, letting go of my expectations that I would be married and have children by the time I was 40.  Instead I had memories of 5 broken engagements and several abusive relationships.

I also had a lot of career successes that I had thought would make me happy - but didn't - I let go of that too. And I started to let go of physical stuff that was associated with a past I didn't want to carry around with me any longer.  It was incredibly freeing to release stuff I kept out of sentiment and fear of letting go. Something clicked and I finally let go of the parts of me that were on hold - waiting for someone else to join me in life.

Peace without Borders Photo Contest Entry
Photo Source: http://flickr.com/photos/cybercare/57049784/

I started to feel a deeper faith in the universe - faith that things would be okay  - even if they didn't turn out exactly the way I dreamed of as a kid hiding in my closet.  I stopped dating and stopped worrying about pleasing other people.  I started to create new dreams and fulfill them on my own.

For example, I traveled to Spain - alone!! Something I NEVER thought I would do.  I always thought I would go to my ancestral country and see where my grandmother was born and raised (Malaga and Marbella) on my honeymoon.  It turned to be the beginning of my honeymoon with myself.  Traveling alone for me was the ultimate expression of my faith that everything would be okay.  I finally became truly happy being alone in the world.

Oddly enough, a few months later I met my husband to be!   We never really dated though.  We were "just friends" right up until we realized we were in love.  Anyway, it boils down to this.  In my 46 years of living, I've finally found that my ultimate deep happiness comes from what I DO with my life, what I LET GO OF in my life, and what I BELIEVE about the world.  Whenever I do nothing, or whenever I hold on to unrealistic expectations, or attach too much importance to things, I become unhappy.

Happiness for me is a by-product of:

• Having faith and believing things will all work out even if I can't make it work out my way.
• Having goals and accomplishing them
• Taking care of myself & my family (Exercising, keeping my home organized and clean, my marriage and my pets)
• Helping other people overcome their life obstacles (This is the greatest high for me - and making a living doing it, helps me be able to do it more!  It's the best career move I ever made)
• Being actively grateful for all the good things in my life - every day
• Letting go - not only of physical stuff but of emotional baggage as well.  When I stopped expecting myself and other people to be a certain way and learned to forgive myself and others for human foibles and weaknesses, I became gradually more peaceful and happy

Learning to let go of most of the anger, fear and anxiety of my childhood; And, actively accepting the paradoxes of being human in an imperfect world that can be so cruel, violent, hypocritical and randomly horrifying, as well as stunningly beautiful and kind, was not easy, but it was essential to my happiness.   

For me, happiness was and is a by-product of loving, letting someone love me their way, trusting even while accepting that people will let me down, forgiving them when they do, keeping my life and home in reasonable order - not perfection, doing work I am deeply passionate about, and practicing being grateful everyday for what I have, and being kind to people.

It may sound hoaky or corny, but every day, my husband and I express something we are grateful about, something we appreciate about having the other in our lives.  It's so easy to take each other for granted.  Expressing to each other what we are thankful for really keeps love, respect, kindness and appreciation alive for us.

Kindness Graph Source:
http://flickr.com/photos/51453931@N00/73796459/

So that's my story - long - yet actually short!  After all, Gretchen Rubin is going to write a whole book about Happiness!  : )

If you got this far, thanks for reading my story! If you have a minute to share, I would to love to hear your answers to this question: 

Where does your happiness come from?

"I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances."
- Martha Washington (1732 - 1802) 

“Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort”
- Franklin D Roosevelt

Source: http://quotes.wordpress.com/tag/happiness-quotes/

For more about The Happiness Project visit Gretchen's amazing Blog!

Sending Neat and Happy thoughts,

How to have the "I want to quit my job" conversation with your spouse

If you are thinking about escaping from your corporate job and starting your own business, such as maybe becoming a professional organizer, you may need some advice on how to talk to your spouse about it. 

Here are some great tips from Pamela Slim's blog "Escape from Cubicle Nation" followed by a tip from me!

How can I tell my spouse that I want to quit my job without him/her getting scared and/or defensive?

I fondly call this "The Conversation" and pick up the same amount of anxiety as if they were telling their kids about the birds and the bees for the first time.

The short answer is that there is no way to predict or direct your spouse's reaction to your news since that is totally outside of your control.  But here are some ways to ensure that the conversation, or more likely series of conversations, goes well:

(Just to avoid endless s/he and him/her, I will use the male form of spouse in this article)

1. Choose a low-stress moment when you have time and energy for a long conversation.  It is not fair to drop a major bombshell when you won't have time to talk about it.  Don't talk about this right before bed or in the morning before heading off to work, as this will just stir up questions in your spouse's mind.
2. Choose a good place to talk.  I find it is a lot easier to have a deep, meaningful conversation with my husband when we are up and moving around.  We have had some of our best conversations on long walks or drives.  One of the Mars/Venus theorists (I don't remember who) said that men converse better while moving while women like to be sitting face-to-face, peering into the others eyes.  Because you should be concerned about your spouse's communication style, choose the place that he feels the most comfortable with. 
3. Minimize distractions.  Get your kids a sitter, turn off your cellphone and Blackberry and don't go somewhere like your favorite local cafe where you will be interrupted by lots of friends.  You want uninterrupted time.
4. Explain why you are so excited about starting your own business.  Make sure your spouse knows all about why this idea is so compelling to you and why you are excited about it.  Don't just talk about the business idea, talk about what it would mean to you personally to get enjoyment from your work.  Would you have more energy?  Would you watch less TV?  Want to help around the house more?  Become a 19-year old sex machine?  (OK, OK, now you are going overboard)
5. Explain the consequences of not following your dreams.  Everyone processes job stress differently.  Some people have a high tolerance for staying in an unhappy or stressful work situation if it means bringing home lots of money.  Others have very low tolerance and develop health problems including depression, high blood pressure, weight problems, anxiety disorders and low energy.  Make sure your spouse understands the consequences to you if you are unhappy with your work.
6. Expect a lot of resistance.  I have practiced change management long enough to know that even if someone perceives a change as a good thing (i.e. getting married, having a baby, getting a promotion and raise), he will still feel a certain amount of resistance.  It can be very, very scary for your spouse to think about losing his perception of stability (you know where I stand with the notion that jobs are more stable than self employment).  Don't get angry if he doesn't immediately support your idea. 
7. Ask lots of questions to understand the resistance.  Your spouse may say something like 

Read more at:  http://www.escapefromcubiclenation.com/get_a_life_blog/2006/07/how_to_have_the.html

Okay, here's my tip.

When I had "the Conversation" with my husband, I used my home budget spreadsheet and created a couple versions showing best and worst case scenarios in meeting our monthly bills without income from me.  I also included a list of all the areas where we could cut our monthly expenses until the business became profitable.

Before discussing it with him, I knew exactly the minimum amount of money I needed to bring in monthly to keep us afloat and presented a back up plan for earning that money if my new business didn't produce a profit within 6 months. Thankfully, the business has become profitable enough to cover my minimum contribution plus a little extra and I haven't had to exercise the backup plan. But it was comforting to my husband to know I had one.

In terms of quality of life, we are both so much happier now and feeling like I'm doing something meaningful is priceless, so at least for now I feel like leaving "cubicle nation" was the best decision I ever made!

Best,