If you live with someone in your family whose packrat habits and organizing style clashes with yours, it can be a source of excruciating tension, frustration and stress. Now there's a TV show that actually deals on-camera with the real relationship conflicts, issues and habits that are underlying clutter and disorganization! It's called Under 1 Roof and is hosted by Mark Edgar Stephens. 
Mark is a life coach and author AND one of the creators of the television development company, A Step Ahead Productions, which is dedicated to creating "life-affirming" television programming. I love that he calls himself a "Professional Belief System Enhancer and Behavior-Modification Specialist."
That is exactly what we do when coaching people! It's a long title, but it is a good description of what happens during the coaching process. Beliefs and thoughts have to change so that behaviors can change. And sometimes small behavior changes, and rearranging your stuff to support you, can actually change the way you think, feel and believe! (That's why I love helping people deal with both their beliefs and their stuff. They are very connected.)
When you look and listen deeply to people talk about how their clutter came to be, it's easy to see that clutter is actually a physical manifestation of the beliefs, feelings, thoughts, and conflicting priorities going on inside you -- AND between you and other people living in your home. When you work with people and their things, it's important to understand that beliefs, feelings and thoughts aren't stable! They change as we react to things and messages in our environment.
When beliefs and priorities clash, it's extraordinarily difficult to make decisions about your stuff. Whether to keep, toss, donate, or recycle is only a small part of the decision. Where and how to give each item a home is a much bigger and more difficult set of decisions. Organizing and giving your items a home requires thinking consciously about the answers to a LOT of questions that require a great deal of "executive brain function". So when people are tired, depressed, stressed, conflicted, fearful, and have too much stuff, it's not surprising that they get overwhelmed and drop stuff all over the place. Here are just some of the questions to answer and decisions to be made for every item you own.
- Why you need the item
- Where you will use it
- How often you use it
- How you will remember to use it
- What other things it should be stored with (like with like, other things you need to do the activity, Kosher, Parve, etc.)
- What will you call the category?
- How much should you subdivide the category?
- What to do with items that fall into several categories
- How much variety within a category do you need?
- Where to store it so it will be easy to access
- How to contain it and place it so it is easy to find and put away
- How to store it so you will always know how much you have
- How much space should be devoted to the items (and the activities that require the items)
- How many of a thing should you keep
- Should they all be kept together or should some be in a supply area
- Should each person have their own or should it be in a shareable area
- Who will be responsible for caring for it
- How to keep it safe from kids and /or kids safe from it
- and More!
Organizing and clearing clutter requires a willingness to not only make all these decisions, but also to possibly be wrong! There is an element of risk-taking involved in making any decision. That means every one of the above decisions has the potential to carry fear and stress with it. Especially if you are a perfectionist.
When you multiply the number of decisions to me made by the fear factor, and THEN by the stress of having to get agreement from one or more family members or partners, and THEN by the sheer NUMBER OF THINGS you own...you begin to really understand the amount of overwhelm and anxiety that can occur in trying to simplify and organize your life and home.
This is why so many of my clients tell me that they were perfectly organized when they lived alone, but then when they had a family, their whole world turned upside down.
Organizing a family requires a great deal of setting priorities and knowing when to shift them, making quick decisions, planning ahead for multiple and often competing needs, distinguishing real needs from "maybe" or "someday" needs, communicating clearly, negotiating, getting commitments, compromising, taking risks and accepting mistakes, willingness to live with other's decisions, and dealing with other people changing their minds and making mistakes and much more. If you are not an expert in all these skills, no wonder it's difficult! That's why there are life coaches and professional organizers. There is a great deal of skill involved and there is NO shame in asking for help if you don't have the time to gain all these skills on your own!
To get organized as a family, you and your family must have a common vision for your space, how it will be used, and what your current priorities are. To stay organized, you need to find a healthy balance between preserving memories, meeting current needs and being prepared for the future. If you have too much past-focus, or too much future-focus your home systems will be out of balance.
When coaching people & families while organizing, these are the kinds of decisions we help people make. This is why I'm so happy to see an organizing show that goes deeper than just showing how to put stuff away neatly. It's very illuminating to watch the families work with Mark to create a common vision. Their vision enables them to change their beliefs and habits so that they can live together with greater harmony, less stress, more trust and less fear. BRAVO to HGTV for creating a real QUALITY program!
If you watch the show, let me know what you think!
Well I didn't go that route (though I do try to educate families via this blog) so the next best thing I can do is tell you about this brilliant resource created by a retired cop who was the Sexual Predator Coordinator for Broward County, FL. He has created an AWESOME Squidoo lens providing links to many FREE resources to educate parents and help parents educate their kids. It was created in support of the Polly Klaas Foundation which is "Dedicated to the Safety of All Children." 
with Sandra Felton, Founder of Messies Anonymous. 
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