NEAT & SIMPLE LIVING with Ariane Benefit, Organizing Coach

Are you dreading tax season? Are you ready to take charge of your financial paperwork?

I vividly remember how hard it is was to live under that constant feeling of "impending doom" that comes along with not being prepared to file my tax return and running out to the post office in the middle of the night to meet the deadline. I also remember how hard it was to be living under a mountain debt.  That's why I've written so many posts about Organizing Your Finances over the past few years. (Remember my post about how I got out of $25,000 in debt?)

In economic times like this, it's more important that ever to know the state of your financial health, and take steps to "weather the storm"  like lower your "fixed" expenses, pay bills on time and not pay late fees, lower your interest rates, pay off debt, and file your tax returns on time so you don't pay penalties or extra charges to tax preparers because you filed an extension. 

If you feel overwhelmed about dealing with financial matters like these, then YOU are the inspiration for my newest educational coaching program, a holistic financial empowerment coaching program unlike anything you have EVER seen before!  

My partner, Ellen Shapiro (who happens to be an MBA and CPA with a degree in Psychology AND is a Certified Repatterning Practitioner AND a Sedona Method coach) brings an amazing combination of talents and experience to help you overcome fear, dread and overwhelm around finances, getting ready
for taxes, dealing with credit card debt, and organizing your paperwork. In fact, she is now our resident Prosperous Living Coach and is hosting a regular support group forum / workshop within the Getting Unstuck Group!  We have been incubating Taking Charge of your Finances program for over a year now. 

WHY?  Because we have both had to overcome our own issues with finances and we BOTH have extensive experience in helping other people do it, too. We KNOW that it's not enough to just give tips on how to set up a bill pay system, or how to organize your paperwork for tax time. 

You also have to make a "mindset" and "energy" shift AS WELL as learn the "how to's" to truly conquer "financial phobias" and get over strong emotional resistance to dealing with money.  People like me who grew up on welfare and knew nothing about how to handle money or credit cards when we finally had some to deal with, plus have ADD, have an especially difficult time absorbing and applying everything you have to learn to manage your finances.  That's why our Taking Charge of your Finances program provides you with holistic support over a 3 month period. We help you:

-  Deal with and overcome your emotional issues and fears PLUS

- Understand the basic concepts involved in financial management, PLUS

- Learn the "how tos" of organizing the systems and routines that empower you PLUS

- Deal with communication issues with your spouse/partner PLUS

- Deal with your brain issues like ADHD or ADD-like personality traits such as dislike of routine, impulsivity etc. 

- Stay motivated throughout the transitional period of changing your habits by providing ongoing support between sessions.

The Power of Repatterning

Repatterning is a powerful tool to create mindset change, shift your energy and clear negative beliefs. Ellen will provide a one hour session on each 2 hour call to help you feel confident and capable of getting your finances in order. I've experienced many sessions with her now and I can tell you that it never ceases to amaze me not only how transformed I feel after, but also how much people LOVE her work and rave about it after the call.  If you haven't already, you listen to a FREE Repatterning session on our Blog Talk Radio show here.  

There has never a program like this anywhere before that combines the skills of: CPA, MBA, Educator/Instructional Design Expert, Financial Organizing Expert, ADD Coach, Cognitive Behavioral Belief Reframing, and Repatterning Practioner ALL in one program.  

WHEN / WHERE / HOW

DATES: January 29th, February 19th and March 19th.  By the time we are done, you could have your tax paperwork completely ready to go, or maybe even already Filed! Wouldn't that be awesome to be able to enjoy the spring without that hanging over your head?

NOTE: If you happen to be reading this after the 29th
you can still join - everything is recorded for you
and we will still be there to provide you with support.

TIME: Calls are Thursdays from 11:00 am - 1:00pm EST (Eastern Standard Time) 
The calls will also be recorded and available for download immediately after the call. 

All this alone is worth the normal price of a 3 month membership, $297, but for the first 100 people to join, the price is only $197.  There are already 25 members, and we would love to have you join us! 

Ready to Enroll now?  Click here

This 6 hour program with personal coaching over 3 months is an amazing value.  The program could stand alone, but it's even more effective combined with the support you get from being part of the Getting Unstuck forum and website. You will get not only this program...but you will also get my Office Organizing Book, The Neat & Simple Guide to Organizing Your Office, my paper organizing Book, Take Charge of your Paper, my Neat & Simple Paper Retention Guide, and a wealth of other resources. But you will get even more! Here's a few of the other classes lined up for the next 3 months that you can participate in as well.  NO EXTRA CHARGE.

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Simplifying Your Life

What it really takes to simplify, what gets us stuck and how to get unstuck so you can take steps to make your life simpler and easier. We'll also be covering how Creative Personality Type, ADHD, and ADD-like traits affect your ability to keep life simple and what you can do about it!  (February 5)

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Simple Solutions to Healthy Eating Challenges

Bernadette Armiento, Certified Holistic Health Counselor will be joining us to kick off a monthly series on Healthy Eating Challenges and ways to simplify menu-planning, grocery shopping, meal preparations and eating healthy when you have no time. (Feb. 26)

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Cleaning Your Home - The Quick & Simple Way - FREE BOOK!

Ariane will be presenting super shortcuts to Quick and Easy Cleaning and Clutter Clearing. Learn how to simplify cleaning and get your family to help, too! She will be releasing her new book too!  As a member you'll get the book free! (March 5)

Ready to Enroll now? 
Click here

Have more questions?

Learn more about Taking Charge of Your Finances and the  Getting Unstuck Group

p.s. I'll be posting a few articles related to all the above topics over the next few weeks, so stay tuned!

p.p.s.

LIVE OUTSIDE THE US or PREFER TO LISTEN OVER THE WEB?

No problem! All of our conference calls are streamed over the web so all you have to do is click a button to listen live. You can also post questions LIVE during the call via our special web page. AND all calls are recorded and AUTOMATICALLY available for download within 5 minutes of the call.

• No need to tie up your phone line
• No long distance charges
• No software for you to download either

How do you prepare for hurricanes and other disasters? Get Organized!

I'm the last person who wants you to live in fear of a disaster. Chances are good you'll never experience one. But, unfortunately, disasters such as hurricanes, floods, fires, and terrorist acts are not as unlikely as they used to be. It seems like hurricane season has just begun and we are already up to "i". Having lived in Florida for 10 years and having lots of friends and family there, I know first hand the chaos and destruction that hurricanes and other natural disasters can cause. My heart goes out to all the victims of the latest devastation that hit Cuba and Haiti and to friends, family and colleagues all along the east coast.

This weekend, as we were preparing our home and backyard to withstand the remnants of Hurricane Hannah which passed through NJ , (thankfully we weren't hit as hard as they had predicted) I was thinking about what I could do to help others be prepared.

Then I got an email from Judith Kolberg, author of Conquering Chronic Disorganization, ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life and Founder of NSGCD, about organizing for disaster.

So rather than reinvent the wheel, I got permission from Judith to allow me to reprint her tips from her article and her latest book, "Organize for Disaster: Prepare Your Family and Your Home for Any Natural Or Unnatural Disaster."

Help Your Kids Organize for School Success with these Neat & Simple Tips!

I'm now an official Guest Author at www.letschatnj.com!  I told you this was my month to branch out and become part of other blogging communities : )  I'll be posting there at least monthly.

My first post there Help Your Kids Organize for School Success with these Neat & Simple Tips! provides more of my tips for getting ready to go back to school!

I have a new found appreciation for what parents are going through getting ready for back to school! I went shopping the other day with a friend and her kids to get back to school supplies and was stunned at how picked over everything was already.

We were at Target and the store was packed with parents & kids and they were out of a lot of supplies.  We had to go to Staples and eventually found everything we needed.  But it was a challenge because the schools had given a VERY specific list of supplies to get including specific colors.

Don't wait till the last minute - get your supplies soon!  : )

Related Posts and Articles I've Written

• Neat & Simple Tips for Preventing School Paper Clutter!
• Managing School Backpacks!

Cause of Autism is Closer to Being Understood!

This news story on the latest Autism research was submitted by Alice Price a professional organizer in Long Island NY who like me belongs to the NSGCD  National Study Group on Chronic Disorganization!

I hope you find this helpful!

Is it worth trying to change? If so, how can you make change easier?

Wednesday, I wrote about the myth of changing habits in 21 days and touched on whether or not it's worth trying to change. Changing anything, not just habits, can creates a tremendous amount of stress for some people. Assessing what habits are worth changing is part of self-acceptance and self-esteem.  It takes a strong sense of self and a steady character to resist the forces out there that make you feel like there is something wrong with you if you don't do things their way! 

Although some people thrive on change, and some are even addicted to change, even good change can create a lot of cognitive dissonance, confusion, and emotional pain. Think about the last time you rearranged your furniture.  It may have taken a couple days to not bump into things.  When I moved my office, as much as I loved it, after 5 years of going in one direction, it felt a little weird at first to come up the stairs and go in the opposite direction. But it was so worth it! 

What makes changes worthwhile? In large part, it's the degree of reward or the payoff you believe you will get once you assimilate the change - how much you care about that payoff - and how painful you perceive the change to be.  Better health, Less Stress, Peace of Mind, Better Performance Reviews at Work, Happier Marriage all are wonderful goals, but if the pain you experience in trying to make the desired change is greater, you won't succeed in changing - unless you can minimize the pain, or how you perceive the pain.

Once you decide to change, "changing" is actually a process which has predictable phases you can anticipate and emotionally and physically prepare for.  The phases of change are Initiation, Disorientation, Reorientation, and Integration.  Each of these is discussed below.

1.  Initiation - One factor that greatly affects the stress level you feel during change is whether or not you initiate the change or someone else is requiring you to change as in a job layoff, or a spouse giving you an ultimatum to lose the clutter or get divorced.  For this discussion, I'm going to assume you want to change.  There is a whole other level of difficulty in accepting changes that are thrust up on you.

2. Disorientation - This is the most challenging phase and can make or break your success in changing. The degree of disorientation and/or pain you feel during this stage is directly proportional to:

• The degree of the magnitude of the change.
• How much you are in control of the change.
• How compatible the change is with your core beliefs
• How well you are meeting your conscious AND unconscious needs
• How entrenched the old habits are or how long you've had the things
• How right for your innate personality and preferences the change is
• How risk averse you are
• How much you need to be in control
• How ready you are for the change

Feelings during this stage are relative to how much you want the change and how deeply your old habits are ingrained. 

The Role of Unconscious Needs

One of the biggest obstacles to change people face is unconscious needs.  You can learn about your true inner needs by trying to change! For example, holding on clutter may be meeting a need to avoid social contact that you don't realize you have till you no longer have the clutter.  Or perhaps you have a deep security need, or a fear that you are unaware of till you try to change.  There could even be a genetic component that is compelling you to hold on to the way things are.  Some of us are born risk takers willing to take the chance "we might need that someday".  Or perhaps we have a deep sense of security that allows us to belief that our needs will always be met.  When our unconscious needs conflict with what we want, change is more challenging.

The Role of Beliefs

Another major source of disorientation in this phase is our beliefs.  For example, when trying to let go of things, some people believe they are "losing a part of themselves"  or that "things have feelings so they need a good home to go to" or that "it would be a waste to throw away something functional" (in fact, you aren't using it, you are also "wasting" it.) These beliefs lead to intense fears and often are simply not true. But we are emotionally attached to our beliefs and they can be very difficult to change.

When you try to change, your unconscious needs & beliefs surface and can cause feelings of anger, denial, and anxiety. Unless you have truly changed the underlying beliefs, and /or find another way to meet your unconcious needs, there will often be some kind of pain and this can manifest itself in some very negative ways, even beyond backsliding, like substance abuse or developing a new addiction.

That's why even self-initiated changes such as quitting smoking can cause intense feelings of anger, denial, and anxiety - no matter how much you want to change! 

Denial is often involved in backsliding.  You tell yourself, just one cigarette won't matter, etc.  This is the phase where emotional and environmental support is critical.  For example, if you are trying to quit smoking, you may need a support group.  If you are trying to exercise on a regular basis you may need a friend or personal trainer to motivate you through the change.

In the organizing realm, you may need a professional organizer.  A lot of what I do as a professional organizer is help people minimize the pain of this phase by helping them:

• Become aware of their deeper attitudes and beliefs toward their things and toward organizing so they can change them to more productive beliefs
• Reframe their relationships to their things before letting them go
• Design change so that it works with their natural style as much as possible
• Make their environment support the change by redesigning the layout, changing the  things that are in it, and even by decorating - changing paint colors, etc. - to make the space they operate in more attractive.
• Hold their future vision so they stay motivated to get through to the other side of side of change. 
• Reward themselves for their efforts and their successes
• Integrate joy into the process wherever possible!

There actually can be joy experienced in this phase if you try to make it so!!

3. Reorientation - This is where the change starts to really take root.  Let's use the "quit smoking" habit again.  When I quit, I mean, after the many, many times I quit, it tooks years for me to stop craving a cigarette when I saw others smoking.  Thankfully, it did finally happen.  For me, the strategy I used was to make myself hate smoking was to smoke a very stale cigarette when I just couldn't resist smoking. It would make me gag and feel nauseous and the cravings eventually stopped. You don't always need to be this radical, but it worked for me!  : )   During this phase you start experiencing the benefits of the change and no longer mourn the loss of the way things used to be.

4. Integration - This is where the change becomes so ingrained, you can barely remember the way it used to be.  You know, like when people say they can't imagine life without their kids.  Or when after you've moved a couple miles from where you used to live, you stop going on automatic pilot to your old house.  Or when you never think about smoking at all and can't even remember why you liked it.  Okay that may be a little exaggeration, but I'm sure you get my drift here!

It's important to note that this model describes successful change.  But not all changes are successful. And not all should be!  Some things we should never get used to if we can help it.  Like habits that are abusive or unhealthy.

But understanding this model can help you identify your obstacles to making the personal changes you want to make.  By preparing to give yourself the support you need to make each phase successful, you can change.  Sometimes you need an external support system...and there is nothing wrong with getting the support you need!  And sometimes, you need to:

Accept the things you cannot change;
Have the Courage to change the things you can;
and have the Wisdom to know what not to bother trying to change!

Wishing you many successful changes!

Keeping Your Children Safe - Free Tools!

Many years ago I had a dream to create a non-profit organization to provide educational resources to families to help keep kids safe and prevent child abuse.  Well I didn't go that route (though I do try to educate families via this blog) so the next best thing I can do is tell you about this brilliant resource created by a retired cop who was the Sexual Predator Coordinator for Broward County, FL.  He has created an AWESOME Squidoo lens providing links to many FREE resources to educate parents and help parents educate their kids. It was created in support of the Polly Klaas Foundation which is "Dedicated to the Safety of All Children."

See http://www.squidoo.com/pollyklaas/yourchildsafetykits

Overcoming Hoarding Tendencies with Dr. Randy Frost & Sandra Felton

Check this out as soon as you can! 

For a limited time, you can listen FREE to  Dr. Randy Frost, leading expert on hoarding, discussing his new book on hoarding, Buried in Treasures: Help for Compulsive Acquiring, Saving, and Hoarding with Sandra Felton, Founder of Messies Anonymous.  www.messies.com

Check it out soon!  This unedited interview is time sensitive and will be removed for editing in the future.

NOTE: There were quite a few technical difficulties so I recommend starting at the 11:50 minute timeframe to hear Sandra's story of overcoming her challenges in letting go of clutter.  Dr. Frost's section starts 19 minutes into the teleclass.

Dr. Frost discusses the psychological aspects of hoarding and some strategies for overcoming them. His insights into the reasons why people keep things and  how painful making the decision to let go of things is for people makes this really worth listening to!

http://messies.com/journal/2007/02/19/face_your_hoarding_tendencies_1/

Part two of this series about hoarding, Specific strategies for
Overcoming Hoarding Clutter, will follow in the near future.

Following is Sandra's list of support groups she runs for various special needs and interests in organizing and decluttering.

Want to get the people you live with to be neater and / or more organized?

If you've been struggling to try and get the people you live with to be neater, or to change in any way, you must check out this post by Liz Strauss based on Steve Pavlina's article on Understanding Human Relationships  which is exceptional. (Steve's blog is an excellent resource for self-development.)

See Liz Strauss's Post on Relationships - Interestingly, the example used in this article is how Steve approached getting his wife to be neater!  But don't look for a magic cure to "fix" your loved one.  As Liz says,

The quickest way to change someone’s behavior is to change our own.

See another EXCELLENT post by Steve on this topic here:
Understanding Family Relationship Problems

Also see The #1 Mistake People Make When Using the Law of Attraction and  Why Do Intentions Take So Long to Manifest? by Steve Pavlina.  These are great resources to help you if you are struggling with attracting what you really want into your life.

See All Related Posts on the Neat Living Blog.

Peace Be With You  : )

Ever Wonder If You Are a Shopaholic? Is Compulsive or Impulsive Shopping Causing Problems in Your Life? Check out the Stopping Overshopping Program!

If you have tried to control your shopping but find you can't stop yourself, or if you fear you may be a shopaholic, check out this neat resource by Dr. April Lane Benson -www.stoppingovershopping.com

Dr. Benson, a Shopping Addiction Expert, is presenting her first Overshopping workshop for the public.

TITLE:  Is Your Shopping Addiction Hiding in the Closet?

Who is this workshop for?

• Anyone who uses shopping as a quick fix  for the blues   
• Anyone who spends more than they can  afford   
• Anyone who feels guilty or ashamed about  this behavior   
• Anyone whose attemp;ts to change have been  unsuccessful   
• Anyone whose life would be richer if they  weren't shopping so much
  

What you'll learn

• The difference between healthy and  unhealthy shopping   
• Why they overshop, how the habit  develops, how it can sabotage their lives   
• Tools and techniques for managing the urge  to shop   
• Life-enhancing ways of meeting their  underlying needs   
• Strategies for staying out of  debt
  

Presented by April Lane Benson, Ph.D.
                     Founder, Stopping Overshopping, LLC
                    Editor, I Shop,  Therefore I Am: Compulsive Buying and the Search for Self (Aronson, 2000)
                    www.stoppingovershopping.com

Where:             The Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy
                          1841 Broadway (60th St.) 4th floor, NYC  10023

When:                Thursday, February 15, 2007, 7-10 p.m.

Cost:       $80 (early registration)             
             $95 (after February 1)

To register:     Call ICP at 212-333-3444 or

Use the form at the following link:

http://www.stoppingovershopping.com/workshops/workshop2-15-07.pdf

Supporting Someone Who Lives in Squalor - Squalor Survivors & Children & Family of Hoarders

The following excerpt is from : Supporting Someone Who Lives in Squalor - Squalor Survivors. There are several degrees of Squalor defined on this site to help you determine what kind of help you might need.

Below are links to Online support resources for friends and family of people who are living with hoarders.

Overcoming Hoarding Together. For people who are in a personal relationship to others who have hoarding disorder. Giving family/friends a place to interact, normalize what they are feeling, and offer education, enlightenment, and encouragement. This group is under the guidance of a licensed marriage and family therapist. Membership is limited to adults.

Mates-of-Messies. Do you live with a messy person and it is interfering with your life? How can you encourage that person to change? How can you support that person if they want to change? Get support from others who are in the same situation.

Children of Hoarders group. For the Adult Children of Hoarders(COH) who grew up in a hoarders home and/or have a parent who still hoards. (Spouses of COH welcome too!) This is a place to connect with others who can relate for support, venting, education and awareness. There are life experiences and support from others who understand. We do not provide therapy but rather a place to connect with others. This group is for those over 18 yrs. of age.

Living With Someone Whose Organizing Style & Packrat Habits Clash With Yours? Tips for Living "Under 1 Roof"

If you live with someone in your family whose packrat habits and organizing style clashes with yours, it can be a source of excruciating tension, frustration and stress.  Now there's a TV show that actually deals on-camera with the real relationship conflicts, issues and habits that are underlying clutter and disorganization!  It's called Under 1 Roof and is hosted by Mark Edgar Stephens.

Mark is a life coach and author AND one of the creators of the television development company, A Step Ahead Productions, which is dedicated to creating "life-affirming" television programming. I love that he calls himself a "Professional Belief System Enhancer and Behavior-Modification Specialist." 

That is exactly what we do when coaching people!  It's a long title, but it is a good description of what happens during the coaching process.  Beliefs and thoughts have to change so that behaviors can change. And sometimes small behavior changes, and rearranging your stuff to support you, can actually change the way you think, feel and believe!  (That's why I love helping people deal with both their beliefs and their stuff.  They are very connected.)

When you look and listen deeply to people talk about how their clutter came to be, it's easy to see that clutter is actually a physical manifestation of the beliefs, feelings, thoughts, and conflicting priorities going on inside you -- AND between you and other people living in your home.  When you work with people and their things, it's important to understand that beliefs, feelings and thoughts aren't stable!  They change as we react to things and messages in our environment.

When beliefs and priorities clash, it's extraordinarily difficult to make decisions about your stuff.  Whether to keep, toss, donate, or recycle is only a small part of the decision. Where and how to give each item a home is a much bigger and more difficult set of decisions.  Organizing and giving your items a home requires thinking consciously about the answers to a LOT of questions that require a great deal of "executive brain function".  So when people are tired, depressed, stressed, conflicted, fearful, and have too much stuff, it's not surprising that they get overwhelmed and drop stuff all over the place. Here are just some of the questions to answer and decisions to be made for every item you own.

• Why you need the item
• Where you will use it
• How often you use it
• How you will remember to use it
• What other things it should be stored with (like with like, other things you need to do the activity, Kosher, Parve, etc.)
• What will you call the category?
• How much should you subdivide the category?
• What to do with items that fall into several categories
• How much variety within a category do you need?
• Where to store it so it will be easy to access
• How to contain it and place it so it is easy to find and put away
• How to store it so you will always know how much you have
• How much space should be devoted to the items (and the activities that require the items)
• How many of a thing should you keep
• Should they all be kept together or should some be in a supply area
• Should each person have their own or should it be in a shareable area
• Who will be responsible for caring for it
• How to keep it safe from kids and /or kids safe from it
• and More!

Organizing and clearing clutter requires a willingness to not only make all these decisions, but also to possibly be wrong!  There is an element of risk-taking involved in making any decision. That means every one of the above decisions has the potential to carry fear and stress with it.  Especially if you are a perfectionist.

When you multiply the number of decisions to me made by the fear factor, and THEN by the stress of having to get agreement from one or more family members or partners, and THEN by the sheer NUMBER OF THINGS you own...you begin to really understand the amount of overwhelm and anxiety that can occur in trying to simplify and organize your life and home. 

This is why so many of my clients tell me that they were perfectly organized when they lived alone, but then when they had a family, their whole world turned upside down.

Organizing a family requires a great deal of setting priorities and knowing when to shift them, making quick decisions, planning ahead for multiple and often competing needs, distinguishing real needs from "maybe" or "someday" needs, communicating clearly, negotiating, getting commitments, compromising, taking risks and accepting mistakes, willingness to live with other's decisions, and dealing with other people changing their minds and making mistakes and much more. If you are not an expert in all these skills, no wonder it's difficult!  That's why there are life coaches and professional organizers.  There is a great deal of skill involved and there is NO shame in asking for help if you don't have the time to gain all these skills on your own! 

To get organized as a family, you and your family must have a common vision for your space, how it will be used, and what your current priorities are.  To stay organized, you need to find a healthy balance between preserving memories, meeting current needs and being prepared for the future.  If you have too much past-focus, or too much future-focus your home systems will be out of balance. 

When coaching people & families while organizing, these are the kinds of decisions we help people make.  This is why I'm so happy to see an organizing show that goes deeper than just showing how to put stuff away neatly.  It's very illuminating to watch the families work with Mark to create a common vision.  Their vision enables them to change their beliefs and habits so that they can live together with greater harmony, less stress, more trust and less fear. BRAVO to HGTV for creating a real QUALITY program!

If you watch the show, let me know what you think!

SUGAR SHOCK! Blog: Hyperactivity and Mental Health Woes Linked to Soda Consumption

This is a must read for anyone who drinks a lot of soda!  Especially if you have kids with ADD or ADHD. 

Here's an excerpt:

"If you have or know soda-guzzling kids who act as if they're mentally off kilter or hyperactive, there's now actual documentation of a link between the two.

Thanks to Reuters and my research assistant Jennifer, I just learned about this absolutely fascinating study that just came out in the American Journal of Public Health.

Researchers at the University of Oslo who studied the soda-drinking habits of more than 5,000 10th-grade Norwegian students aged 15 to 16.

Just listen to this conclusion, which comes as no suprise to me:

"High consumption levels of sugar-containing soft drinks were associated with mental health problems among adolescents even after adjustment for possible confounders," wrote Dr. Lars Lien and his colleagues.

Now listen to this important point they made: "The effects of sugar consumption on mental health..."

READ THE REST AT:

SUGAR SHOCK! Blog: Hyperactivity and Mental Health Woes Linked to Soda Consumption.

OCF's Hoarding Web Site: How Compulsive Hoarding Affects Families

I've been too busy to post much lately, but I found this and just had to share with you. If you are living with someone you think might be a compulsive hoarder...here's a few excerpts from an article "How Compulsive Hoarding Affects Families" by Fugen Neziroglu, Ph.D, ABBP (Author of Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding) and Jerome Bubrick, Ph.D on the the Obsessive Compulsive Foundations's (OCF) Hoarding Web Site.
http://www.ocfoundation.org   

Their website has a wealth information and tips. Hope you find it helpful!
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Living with someone who compulsively hoards can often be as stressful of a lifestyle as it is to actually be a compulsive hoarder...Clutter is one of the biggest contributors to family tension with regards to homes with hoarders. The loss of or elimination of functional living space as the result of clutter is one of the biggest bones of contention for families who live with hoarders... 

Obviously, this lack of functional living space makes it impossible for families to be able to enjoy their own homes. Decreased or eliminated functional living space may mean that families are not able to use their kitchens to cook food and may, therefore, be dependent on ordering take out regularly. This can often lead to increased financial strain and obesity, because they are spending more money and taking in more calories than they would if they were grocery shopping and cooking. 

... The issues brought up so far typically result in family members feeling frustrated, overwhelmed and resentful. However, there are other effects of compulsive hoarding that can actually affect the safety and well-being of families. For instance, compulsive hoarders and their families often experience headaches, respiratory problems (asthma, etc.) and allergies, all due to having excessive clutter. 

...Certainly, the health and safety concerns associated with clutter can have tremendous affects on families. Embarrassment, frustration, resentfulness and hopelessness are just some of the emotions that family members feel with regards to hoarders. Often, they feel as though their home is not really their home. They are ashamed of the clutter, but often have little control over cleaning it and are essentially forced to live amidst chaos. Commonly, family members will get so frustrated with clutter that they will attempt to clean or organize without the consent of the hoarder, which invariably results in arguments and fights. 

Children are often too embarrassed to have friends come over, or are not allowed to because of the hoarder's embarrassment. This can often lead to increased social isolation and resentment of the hoarder. Spouses often consider divorce or separation because of the extreme impairment in functioning. 

Spouses often wonder what their responsibilities are to the children involved. The children feel torn between the parent who is the hoarder, and the parent who is not. They tend to keep the hoarding a family secret but feel depressed and angry and do not know what to do with their emotions. If the non-hoarding parent decides to ask for a divorce, a custody battle may ensue. Often pictures of the home are taken to court to convince the court that the home environment is not suitable for bringing up a child. The sufferer of hoarding is not only embarrassed but feels tremendous resentment which usually interferes with bringing up the child jointly. 

Sometimes, a neighbor who becomes aware of the home situation may call child protective services. Under these circumstances, an investigation may be started, resulting in the possible removal of the children from the home unless one of the parents makes alternative living arrangements. Whether the child lives in clutter or is removed from the home, the end result is devastating. Unfortunately given all the negative consequences of living in clutter, the hoarder is usually very reluctant to seek treatment although effective treatment strategies are available. 

GETTING HELP

The following are some suggestions for family members who are trying to persuade their reluctant hoarder to enter treatment: 

You must make sure to reassure your family member that those clinicians who are familiar with the problem are not going to go into the house and start throwing things out. They are not going to take control of the possessions. 

Well-trained clinicians will teach a method and work side by side with your loved one. If the compulsive hoarder does not want the therapist to go into the house initially, that is okay. It is a very gradual process. 

If your family member does not want to even go for an initial consultation, it is suggested you go to the therapist several times to learn how to get him or her into treatment. ... 

Read the whole article at the Obsessive Compulsive Foundations's (OCF) Hoarding Web Site

How Compulsive Hoarding Affects Families
http://www.ocfoundation.org/1005/m150a_006.htm   

How do you know when you are really ready to clear clutter? How do you "get to ready" to make deep lasting changes in your life?

   Today I'm inspired by a dear client to share my thoughts on the process of getting to ready and knowing when you are really ready to let go and clear clutter.  My thoughts on this process are based on my NSGCD training, hearing other organizer's stories, my professional training in change management, and from working with my clients, hearing their stories and observing how they get to a certain turning point where letting go just starts to flow. 

I've noticed that people get to a point where they stop resisting their own efforts to clear clutter and it starts to make perfect sense to them to let go of clutter.  It stops being so painful and becomes a process of lightening and energizing their spirit  They start to find joy in the very process of letting go and feeling the flow.

Helping people get to that point is one of the deepest and most satisfying rewards of what I do. It's almost like the feeling I had when I was present at my nephew's birth!  It's like watching someone become "reborn" as the master of her own destiny.

I call the process of getting to that point of clarity "getting to ready". A term I first heard in a speech by Marilyn Paul, author of the incredibly insightful and inspiring book on overcoming chronic disorganization - It's Hard to Make a Difference When You Can't Find Your Keys

"Getting to ready" is a critical point in the process of letting go of the clutter causing dysfunction in your life. "Getting ready" to clear clutter is much like getting ready to make any major change in your life. It happens in stages. The stages are not purely sequential; people tend to move around in them until they are ready to let go and even then, the old fears and habits may come back from time to time, but once you have gone through this process - you'll usually be able to bounce back by getting the support you need. Generally people have to go through a process that looks something like the following 5 stages.

1. Awareness & Insight Stage 

The first stage is becoming aware of the pain clutter is causing you.  It's about gaining insights into how your own thoughts, beliefs, fears are keeping you stuck holding on to clutter  - while at the same time you may be wishing a natural event like a flood or fire would free you from it. How often have you heard people say that they wish they could just move away and leave all the stuff behind and start all over? 

Teens that Have Meals with their Families Have Fewer Behaviorial & Emotional Problems!!

According to this uplifting bit of news from the Organic Bytes Newsletter, it's time to clear off that dining room table and set up a family meal schedule!!!   If you have kids, you can make a huge difference in their emotional well-being just by having dinner with them!  That's got to be great news for parents worried about the "Teen" years.

According to a decade long study from the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA), teens who regularly have meals with their family are less likely to get into fights, think about suicide, smoke, drink, use drugs, and are more likely to have

Neat Tips for Couples to Communicate and Negotiate Chores!

Marriage and living together is a wonderful but also difficult transition in our lives. We all want our relationships to work...but we also want our homes to be places we feel comfortable in.  There's nothing like fighting over who does chores or HOW chores get done to undermine a relationship and make people unhappy.

Gretchin Rubin from the Happiness Project has come to our rescue with a well thought-out and wonderful list tips for couples to communicate with each other instead of yell at each other.  Her tips are spot on and very comprehensive...you can really tell she's been there.  Negotiating chores around the house requires good communication skills and a few ground rules which she does a great job of summarizing.   

Here are a few of Gretchin's ground rules for couples to communicate with each other rather than talk "at" each other as well as

Tackle it Tuesday - Laundry Room Makeover

The weekend before this past one we finally finished cleaning our basement and put in the final touches on our flood cleanup & Laundry Room renovation project. (See Photo Below) We had a flood down there a few weeks ago when the plumbing backed up.  We had to throw out all the linoleum and carpet and disinfect the floors, then put new flooring & carpet in. 

TIP: In the basement, never tack down the carpet and linoleum! We buy very inexpensive carpet remnants just so that we can easily change it all out if there is a flood.  After all, the water heater, washing machine and a toilet are all down there!) We also keep everything off the floor unless it's in plastic bins.  So, luckily we didn't lose anything but the flooring! All we had to do was cut the wet carpet into pieces, put it in contractor bags and trash it.  Granted it was a nasty job...but it could have been worse!  : )

While were at it, we took the opportunity to get a new utility sink to replace the disgusting one that was there for probably at least 40 years - if not since the house was built 65 years ago.  (Click the photo to see it larger)  So sorry I forgot to take before pix!  : (  But I was just so anxious to get it all done! )

As you can see, we painted the previously all boring white room in a gorgeous blue by Benjamin Moore (809 - Soft Jazz) and painted all the yucky looking pipes white.  (NOTE: To paint pipes, you first have to prime the pipes with a special primer.) They look kinda like art to me.  I love spending time doing laundry in there now!  : )   FYI - We got the utility sink with cabinet & awesome faucet and everything you need with it at Lowe's for around $200.  It wasn't available at Home Depot.  Because we are in a 65 year old house, though, Alan did have to get some additional plumbing pipe fittings and supplies to make the hose and drain pipe work. I'm so lucky he's so handy!!!   It would have cost more than the sink to get a plumber in to do the work.

The storage we have in the laundry room is a wardrobe which is actually a child's wardrobe from Target.  The wardrobe was originally bought more than 10 years ago for the huge bathroom I had in my Victorian apt. which had no storage at all.  I think you can still get similar units at Target.  (p.s. I also changed the knobs to make the unit less child's room looking.)

The counter / folding table was from Caldor (which no longer exists) but you can find this kind of counter height table in lots of places. You can also get tables that fold down from the wall.  I bought the counter / table about 15 years ago for my kitchen when I was in the victorian apartment in Montclair.  These items repurposed beautifully to the laundry room in our new home!    I LOVE furniture that is multi-functional!

Hope you have a great Tackle It Tuesday Project!

http://www.5minutesformom.com/category/blogging/meme/tackle-it-tuesday/

Read more about the background here:
http://www.5minutesformom.com/160/tackle-it-tuesday-update/

Sending Neat Thoughts!

Getting over Procrastination

Dwayne over at "Genuine Curiosity" came up with a great technique for overcoming procrastination and getting the kids and the whole family to tackle a goal they've been putting off.  His goal was to "Reduce clutter and get rid of stuff we don't use any more."  A very admirable goal!  But how to get the family to participate in getting things done???

He came up with a creative way to get the kids involved. His solution was:

"Pick one box o' mystery and process it. ...  Processing means:

• tossing out anything that's trash, broken or unusable,
• putting misplaced things where they belong,
• getting rid of stuff we never should've kept in the first place (how many Happy Meal toys do we really need?)
• sorting and finding a permanent home for anything that looks remotely like a collection,
• putting anything that's still usable into our 'giveaway box' so we can donate it"

I love this idea!  It gets the family working together on a common goal...so they are not only accomplishing a task, they are spending time together!  He reports that his kids actually look forward to it. 

What he did with his family is a WONDERFUL example of how to overcome procrastination! Procrastinating usually has at least 3 dimensions to it.  physical, emotional and mental or logistical. He addressed all 3 in his "box o' mystery"  solution! 

1 - Physical - He chunked out the physical task to simplify it and make it less tiring.  This is critical!!!  If he has made the task a whole room instead of just one box at a time...it may not have worked!

Another factor to consider in the physical dimension is your own energy.  Are you rested? Have you had enough water? Is your clutter itself draining your energy?  If so, you may need to start small and clear a small clutter free haven for your self to gather your energy.  You may even need to go outside for a walk to recharge. 

2 - Emotional - He made the task fun and social by having the whole family work together on it. Not just telling the kids to do it. The subconscious reward for them was having quality time with Dad. 

The emotional side of getting things done cannot be overlooked. You may need to reframe the way you look at a task. What are you saying to yourself about the task? What could you be saying to yourself to make it less stressful? Another way to address the emotional side of an organizing task is to make a list of the benefits of getting it done. You can also get a friend or family member to help!  My husband and I do what we call "clutter dating."  Remember, "joys shared are doubled, and troubles shared are halved" I don't remember who said that but they were so right! Another way to make a task more fun is to add an element of a game or competition to it. Maybe set up a timer and see who gets the most done is certain amount of time.

 

3- Mental/logistics - He broke down the process into steps, set criteria AND made the rules and steps clear to the whole family.  Communication is important here!

Not having a process and steps defined is a BIG reason people get overwhelmed when thinking about getting a job done. This is because when you don't have a steps in mind, and you don't have it chunked it out, you tend to overestimate how long it will take AND how difficult it be. Then you start to panic! Often just deciding where to start, defining the steps, setting a timeframe and taking the first step will set you on the path of getting the whole job done in no time!

Here's the link to Dwayne's complete post about the Box o' Mystery
http://www.genuinecuriosity.com/genuinecuriosity/2006/04/box_o_mystery.html

So what task are you going to break down and stop procrastinating about today?  : )

Neat Calendar for Managing Multiple Calendars All in One! The Busy Body Book!

Here is a really neat idea from Joan Goldner of  www.BusyBodyBook.com! 

This calendar features 5 columns that you can use for every day!  So you could use a column for each family member,  one for meal planning, or for follow ups, goal setting, what ever you want! 

Joan also now has a blog!  She's going to be focusing on tips for managing your time and using the calendar. 

Amy's Shares About Working with A Professional Organizer

Amy is a mom of 4 who homeschools AND writes a blog call Among Women  She has been bravely decluttering for nearly 3 months now in preparation for working with a professional organizer.  She had her first session and generously shared her thoughts. Here are some excerpts from her post that I found particularly insightful along with my comments.

"It's funny, I'll go all over the house finding things to throw away or give away, then say to myself, "I think that is IT. I couldn't possibly give away much more. We are down to the good stuff." Yet three days later, I'll find more things I can do without! The more I give away, the more I like it, and the more I want to get rid of."

This is what I mean when I talk about building your letting go muscles.  Letting go happens in waves...and it can become addictive!

"It's funny, as soon as I started working with someone watching me, I got rid of twice as much as I would have if I were alone. I was embarrassed at the level of JUNK I was keeping. Scraps of paper, a whole drawer full of mostly cut up old fabric. I was keeping it for the girls to make stuff with, but I just don't have the kind of storage space right now to do that. And they rarely used it. It's definitely a case of us having so many little cluttery things that we don't even know WHAT we have."

"I'm realizing, too, that I need to "bloom where I'm planted." In our case, this means that we have a small house for the number of people we have in our family - we may need to own significantly fewer things ...

"I had been telling myself that is was OK if we had a ton of clutter because we had so many people per square foot and we are homeschooling, but if I'm spending my days moving stuff around instead of being with my kids ... then something has to give, and it's got to be the STUFF!"

"God will provide what we need that is lacking, without making us live cowering under teetering mountains of papers, books, and Polly Pocket dolls."

"I worry that having so much less than others will be bad for my girls, but I think if it means I can be mentally, physically, and spiritually present with them much more often, they are hardly going to notice."

This a wonderful example of a courageous and dedicated mom letting go of the fear of not having she needs, a mom clarifying her values and choosing not to buy a bigger house just to hold all the stuff she isn't using anyway.  She is choosing to invest her money and her time in her kids.  And she is right, when her kids feel her love and attention more often, they notice they have less stuff, they'll notice that she is there for them!

You can read the entire post and more about her journey to a simpler life at:

http://amyable.blogspirit.com/archive/2006/08/06/just-some-meandering-ramblings-on-decluttering.html