Are you an adult with ADHD or ADDish traits? Ever thought you might be "gifted"? How about Neurodiverse?

WARNING:  This is a mix of "rant" "rebelliousness" and "rabble rousing."

I'm about to bring up some controversial topics, challenge some ideas, and share some deeply personal stuff, too.  I hope you will join me and share your thoughts and ideas on this intriguing debate as I struggle to define what my own "real" labels are and who my clients actually are, too!  Most of my clients are actually "gifted" even they don't realize it, many have ADHD, and all have productivity and self-worth / self-advocacy challenges.  Apparently, this is NO mere coincidence. 

Grab some tissues.  You might start to cry like I did writing this.  Forgive me any typos.  This was not easy for me to write.

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In the world of ADD there is a lot of debate about whether or not ADHD is a "gift" or a "defect" or a "disorder."

What if it is not a "yes" or "no" question?  What if people who are gifted just happen to share a lot of the same traits as people who are ADHD?  

The answer may be more like this: a lot of people with ADD also happen to be intellectually gifted.  

Or perhaps the real answer is that people who are "gifted" are also often "diagnosed" or "mis-diagnosed" as having ADD and at least 2 or more other "disorders" as well.  Sadly, this is actually TRUE. 

In the worlds of neurodiversity, ADD and Giftedness, there is a growing community of researchers and scholars recognizing and confirming that there is a set of traits that are commonly grouped together in various configurations.  This set of traits is combined in various ways and are shared by people in the following groups of people - some of which are labeled "disorders" and some of which are called personality traits, types or styles.

• ADD / ADHD
• OCD
• PTSD
• Bipolar
• Dysthemia
• Depression 
• Existential depression
• Reactive depression
• Aspergers
• Compulsive Hoarders
• Chronically Disorganized
• Gifted
• xNxP Personality Types 
• Highly Creative 
• Highly Intense
• Highly Sensitive
• Highly Technical
• Highly Task Oriented
• "Addicted to Insight" (Yes, this is really out there - Refers to people who can't stop learning, seeking discovering. Not an easy read, but I actually burst into tears when I understood what he was saying.  Talk about feeling like someone managed to get inside your brain and understand you better than you understood yourself.  Blew me away for days.) 

People with any one of these labels are HIGHLY likely to also have 3 or more or even ALL of these labels!  

Does this bother you like it does me?  

See Misdiagnosis And Dual Diagnoses Of Gifted Children and Adults by James T. Webb 

 

Furthermore, MANY of these people are ALSO highly functional and quite capable of contributing to society. A few years ago, I wrote about the nearly 100% overlap in ADHD and creative personality type here.  And now, I've found a body of research on "gifted" people that, you guessed it, is also very highly correlated with ADD and all the above traits.

This latest research is adding even more depth and validation to the work I've been doing teaching deep self-acceptance, emotional processing (I don't like the words "regulation" or "mastery" applied to emotions,) self-encouraging / motivating, coping skills, meta-cognitive skills and more (without using jargon like that of course) to help people with ADDish traits make peace with themselves and design their own unique organizing and productivity systems that work for them.  Yes, all that inner work is a foundational and necessary part of learning to "value" and "enjoy" organizing enough to actually spend time doing it. 

Key premise in my work is this:  Much of the "dysfunction" and "disorganization" in the lives of people with neurodiverse traits is actually CAUSED by:

1) the trauma of growing up DIFFERENT.  Misunderstood.  Constantly "corrected". Constantly "invalidated" and called "too intense" "too emotional" "too distracted" "too sensitive" "too perfectionist" TOO EVERYTHING.  

2) traumatized attachment to things related to relationship trauma (loss, death of significant others, abandonment, invalidation, distrust of, or difficulty connecting with, having needs met in relationships)  

3) trying to follow other people's organizing system designs and paradigms that don't fit the way we think, believe, or function. (related to being punished for organization difficulties like not cleaning room, losing homework, being late, daydreaming etc.) 

4) Not having access to the kind of learning needed to "learn" to enjoy doing something you do not inherently find enjoyable, interesting, or intriguing.  I help people find the intrigue in getting boring stuff done.    

But I digress, back to what causes "gifted" people to commonly receive all those diagnoses and labels! Growing up different is really hard!  And hard on the people around us.  They have no idea what to do with us.  Sometimes (okay, often) they lash out at us, get frustrated with us, and avoid us. They may treasure our strengths and promote us, etc., but not without frequently pointing out what they feel makes us "difficult" for them.  Like the fact that we "challenge" a lot of mainstream values, rules and ideas. Or are late, or don't follow instructions without asking questions. We don't (can't) conform without feeling a bit like we are dying inside. 

The difference between "happy" and "miserable" for "gifted" people is often a matter of whether or not they were accepted -- allowed to be different without being negatively labeled.  What kind of schools they went too make a big difference too.  Of course, whether or not they were abused or grew up with addicts, or took on the family role of "responsible" one is also a big part of it. 

So here's an interesting thing.  Many "gifted" people would rather be called ADHD than be called "gifted!"  Myself included.

I rejected that label as a teenager because I didn't want to be singled out that way.  I refused to be placed in an academy for "gifted" kids because I could not stomach the "elitist" attitudes that came with the crowd of people who LIKE being called gifted!  HA! 

So instead I was put in a foster home (this is another long story I'm not going to tell here) and dropped out of high school.  By dropping out, I was lucky enough to be offered to attend an "alternative" high school in Brockton, Mass in 1974.  

Those were the glory days of education.  The year I spent there changed my life.  I was allowed to participate democratically in my own education.  I got to choose my classes, define my own homework assignments and projects and basically be treated with respect for the first time in all my years of school.  (I also was allowed to configure a "custom" Master's Degree combining business, education, and technology, but that's another story.)

Still, I rejected the idea of being gifted.  The whole notion of that word still makes my skin crawl and makes me feel kinda, I don't know - slimy?  arrogant?  

Well, imagine my shock at finding out that many other people other feel the EXACT same way I do.  AND, many of them have the same traits and similar history - growing up poor, growing up with abuse, addictions, depression, highly creative, technical and intelligent, achieving a lot - but feeling like an underachiever anyway.

Our sense of self-worth was so distorted we could not truly value our talents -
our flaws cancelled them out, right?
Kinda like a math problem.  
1 (smart) - 1 (inconsistent) - 1 (talks too much) - 1 (doesn't follow the rules) = a Big Less than Zero

It so easy to make us feel unworthy isn't it?  

Is it any wonder one of the best predictors for LOW financial achievement is high intelligence?    

Here is an excerpt from an article which describes the impact (damage) that denying your "giftedness" can have on the way you develop socially and emotionally.  It also defines 5 characteristics of people with "extra" intelligence. [My notes are in brackets] 

eXtra intelligence (Xi) is marked by five characteristics, as follows:

1. Intellectually able: grasps complicated issues relatively easily, takes leaps in the thinking process, has a low tolerance for stupidities, and may become careless when asked to do simple tasks.  
   
   [Sounds like ADD to me, difficulties performing daily boring routines and tasks: Check!]
    
2. Incurably inquisitive: always curious about what’s beyond the horizon, fascinated as long as something is new, easily pursuing manifold interests. Has a low tolerance for boredom and may be slow in bringing an already-solved problem to a conclusion.
   
    [High need for Novelty, easily bored: Check! Plus, as I've written about before we have a tendency to write things on To Do lists and then "feel like" they are already done.  We did it in our heads so now it "feels" complete. Check!]
    
3. Need for autonomy: Can work on one’s own and prefers to schedule tasks oneself. Will respond aversely to absolute power and formalities, and react allergically to bosses or others who exercise tight control. Will utilize fight or flight when autonomy is threatened. 
   
   [Check, check, check!!]
    
4. Excessive zeal in pursuit of interests: Can be inexhaustible and keyed-up as long as a problem is interesting and still unsolved. But will drop it readily when the specific curiosity has been satisfied. Can put too much energy into the wrong projects. Does not like others to perform according to low standards.
   
   [Can you say hyperactive brain, hyperfocusing, then dropping that project like a hot potato when the research phase is done and the novelty becomes routine? Goes well with the "addicted to insight" theory.]
    
5. Emotionally insecure, intellectually self-confident: Knows in the head that he or she is right, but fears in the stomach that he or she will not win the case. This can easily lead to perfectionism, fear of failing, or escalating know-it-all-ness and arrogance to mask the uncertainty. Is vulnerable to a stupid or blunt display of power.
   
   [OMG!!!  Sound familiar to you too?]

SOURCE: 

Title: How to Charm Gifted Adults into Admitting Giftedness: Their Own and Somebody Else’s	Citation: Originally published in Advanced Development: A Journal On Adult Giftedness, Volume11, 2007, pp 9-25. Reprinted with permission.
Author: Willem Kuipers

 

Maybe someday, we'll find words to describe ourselves using words that are more neutral than either "gifted" or "disordered."  I happen to love the term neurodiverse.  Seems like the most accurate, and does not have all the uncomfortable connotations of "gifted" or "ADD"

If you suspect you might be "neurodiverse" or have ADD or that you might be a "gifted" person who isn't living up their potential, you will find some fascinating articles I strongly recommend on a website called "SENG" here:  http://sengifted.org/articles_adults/index.shtml

Okay, enough mindblowing for today! 

Unless of course you feel like checking out my Quantum Productivity program which as it happens is actually designed for people with this delightly fascinating set of traits.  I love my tribe! If the shoe fits, welcome aboard!  I'm planning to hold a Q&A call in the spring prior to releasing the next iteration of the program (currently in beta.)  If you are interested, get on "the list"  : ) 

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p.s. For More Interesting Books on Giftedness CLICK HERE 

Comments

[Edith Johnston]

Marvelously said and compiled! I have struggled this last year to use the word gifted to describe myself and yet I had no problem using the word for my sons. The lack of acceptance and the desire to know myself and make things happen is intense. I have the XI book coming and have looked at the Misdiagnosed book description several times. As I work with those who have disabilities I work with the directing them toward their potential. Connecting here is great. I am expanding my work also and appreciate your perspective and talent. Thanks.

[Ariane Benefit, M.S.Ed.]

Edith, Thank you so much for your feedback! I really appreciate you reaching out and sharing a bit about yourself as well. It's funny how I always thought my intense need to understand things was both a blessing and a curse...and somehow lately...I'm realizing that I'm not alone in thinking there is a lens through which "thinking too much" could be seen as a "disability." It certainly isn't "common" or normal! LOL

[Lindsay]

Amy gave me the link to your blog. Thank you for sharing this information. I've never been diagnosed with anything (though chronically disorganized sounds about right, haha), but I was in most of the "gifted" programs growing up, and a lot of this sounds familiar.

I laughed at this:

"Intellectually able: grasps complicated issues relatively easily, takes leaps in the thinking process, has a low tolerance for stupidities, and may become careless when asked to do simple tasks."

Sounds like me to the T. :)

[Lisa Rivero]

As a board member for SENG, I was thrilled to see this post! You have described the experience and dilemma of those of neurodiversity (love that term) very well. I second your recommendation for Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnoses of Gifted Children and Adults<--terrific book.

Glad to have found your blog.
~ Lisa

[Ariane Benefit, M.S.Ed.]

Lindsay, thanks so much for sharing your comment and adding your voice to bring visibility to the secret shame and suffering that so many of us experience when we struggle to understand how it is that we can learn and understand really complex things in some areas, and yet the actual "doing" of daily tasks and repetitive routines can sometimes feel like torture. We can't "force" ourselves to "just do it" consistently. Sometimes we can, but many times we simply can't. It's scary sometimes..and can be depressing.

Welcome to our growing tribe of people "coming out" to normalize our experience AND learn ways to cope and thrive in spite of our challenges. I hope you'll stay in touch...this conversation is only just beginning!

[Ariane Benefit, M.S.Ed.]

Lisa, thank you so much for your comment! I'm deeply honored that you took the time to read my post and acknowledge it. Thank you for the work you are doing with SENG and with your own blogsite. I'm looking forward to exploring your work further and continuing the conversation.

[RSue]

Oh my, this makes me want to laugh and cry. Thank you for writing this out. Too smart or too distracted/engaged by everything and everyone? Too much compassion/concern for many things, and too little to do it with? Is it smart to forget your glasses on the counter and wonder why the windshield is blurry? We all have differences and challenges, but that is not the same as dancing to the music of one....definitively, intuitively, naturally and yes, sometimes defiantly and forcefully. As people, not fitting in hurts no matter how hard we try to cover it up or how much one tries to see the positives of their situation. I wonder if there are people out there who want to be praised for being different, most I know want to belong and be noticed for their place in a group, not for their distinction from it. Not the same as being noted the cream of the crop, which is really just a statement and perception of others, being different from your core being someone who grows up very lonely without peers to relate to. Being mostly like the rest is somewhere many cannot go or tolerate or pull off, no matter how hard they try. Between a rock and hard place....can bring interesting and dramatic results. I don't know if I am smart or not so smart...but I do know that everyone has a (boat)load in this life and we are not designed to haul it all alone or in silent conformity or stupidly following xyz just because. As long as we don't throw out the baby with the bath water, or keep reinventing the wheel when it is in stock,we will be ok. It is about more than the one or the whole. Diversity is what makes things click on a larger scale...the nail that sticks up is not always just to be pounded down, sometimes you can hang a nice picture on it. May there be joy in the beginnings and endings and all the messy in betweens.

[ADHD in SC]

WOW is all I can say. I'm shaking as I read because I am not alone. I'm constantly getting in trouble for learning too much at work, thereby stepping on the toes of those whose job it is to learn said information-- however, as I am one of the lucky few who loves my industry enough to hyperfocus my ADHD brain on that exact subject matter, I don't know how to stop overachieving. I'm literally almost to the point of wanting to quit because I'm constantly beaten down, made fun of, and embarrassed for how I am.... I've been told that even though I'm technically helping the company, its not my job to think about certain things, so.... people (including me) don't understand that it's like telling a compulsive cleaner to live in filth. I'm too smart to stop learning; I'm too unorganized to live by a set guideline, and I'm addicted to research.... my self esteem is zero because even what I thought were strong points are faults at work. I'm not organized/tidy, I'm chronically late (trying to change that!!), I'm loud, I'm emotional, I'm unhappy with my appearance, I'm always stressed.... my ONE prideful trait has always been that I'm the smart one. I don't know how to stop "being too smart". Thank you for this information. I no longer feel alone, weird, etc. Icould cry.

[Ariane Benefit, M.S.Ed.]

@RSue - Thank you so much for your contribution to this discussion!

@ADHD in SC - My heart goes out to you. I KNOW how you feel. I was crying too when I first started understanding how incredibly deep the wounds of being "too smart" are. Thank you so much for "coming out" and sharing the "dark side" of being exceptionally intelligent. : )

[sam]

Most of the gifted people are introverts.how does talking too much fit into this?

[Amy]

Ariane, I promised you a reply to this article and here's some high level thoughts on the attitude I grew up with about being "gifted" along with flighty (self-chosen word) and having multiple interests.

http://www.creativecatapultcoach.com/?p=46
Why I’m not “Gifted”
I never considered myself gifted…I mean, really…I’m not a math, physics, or computer science major. I majored in business but excelled at liberal arts. But, I wasn’t a stellar sculptor, a solo-musician, or a language virtuoso. I was a mediocre dancer. But gifted, or even genius. No way.

I had too many interests to be “gifted”. I never stuck with anything long enough to get “good”. My friends and I all talked about how you needed close to 1000+ or 10,000+ hours to master something. I rarely found something interesting for more than a week. Forget 10,000 hours.

[RhondaS]

This may be off topic, but made me think about how knowlege of being different can be a plus or a hindrance, depending on the environment and how the individual embraces it (positively or negatively)
The good times are when one realizes they are different and how that work for them and others, and the times one is blissfully unaware of thier difference but content. Social & economic environment make a big impact on how we fare in life. With more population and less wide open spaces/resources per capita, modern people still look for those unexplored and open regions to discover, adventure, forge a path through, while being gently or harshly reminded of new or old realities and truth.
Having a hard time saying this...I did not feel different as a kid, just put upon with a lot of garbage due to family dysfunction and moving a lot. I got to see a lot of different types of people and places and learned to enjoy my own way of being in all that mess and beauty, and made or hoped things work some way some how, with some lucky breaks and heartbreaks along the way. Ignorance of one's differences is bliss, it hte environment supports is and it is not hurting anyone. knowledge of ones difference allows them to better integrate with others and to utilize it rather than be ashamed/frustrated or even done in by it.
And I like to think even though we all have differences, we all have a lot in common, in our pasts, presents and futures. That is where the real discovery and work is, taking what we have in common and using our differences to bring about a caring, accepting, flexing, smart for today and tomorrow community supporting result.

[Grayson]

Mrs. Benefit, I would really like to talk to you, if you have time to. I appreciate the way you explained it. I need to sort things out in my head, and I believe that someone unbiased with as much experience in this subject as you could really help me out. If not, I completely understand.

[Jimbo]

Unfortunately this strikes too close to home for comfort.