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The more I've learned about ADD, the more I wonder if it's really a "disorder" or a "symptom" that sensitive, creative personalities develop from living in a chaotic society with so many overwhelming choices and possibilities. Think about it. Aren't advertising, magazines and TV messages actually designed to distract you from your own thoughts?
"What Should I Do With My Life?"
I was inspired to write this article by a client with ADD who is in the process of changing careers - again. Many of us, ADD or not, believe it is important to do work you really love. Yet many us experience great difficulty. The search can be excruciatingly painful - especially when we feel we have to settle for work "we know we can get" just so that we can make a living. The longer we are in jobs like that, the harder it is to get out. So many people are in jobs that they feel are eating them alive...and yet they stay. Part of this is because they feel that people will think they are unstable or unreliable if they keep changing jobs. Others are just afraid they that if they found a new job, it would be worse than the one they have now. Or maybe they would lose insurance, or they would never be able to get what they are being paid now. Everyone has their own situation to deal with.
And then there are those who relentlessy pursue the "What Should I Do With My Life?" question. They are looking for their "calling" or the experience of having work that doesn't feel like work because they love it so much. When it comes to answering this "Meaning of Life" question, there seem to be two basic types of people in this world. Knowers and Seekers.
Knowers
The knowers are people whose lives seem to follow a straight line path, like Mother Teresa or Bill Clinton. They knew exactly what they were meant to do from a very early age. They are focused and have acheived really great things. They experience turmoil like all of us, but in a different way. They are focused on HOW to get what they KNOW they want. The rest of us have to first figure out WHAT we really want. These are the "Seekers"
Seekers
Seekers long for a clear vision of who they are and a clear idea of what they should do for a living. Seekers spend a good portion of their lives seeking answers to these questions before finding what they were meant to do. We are on a constant journey to discover ourselves and keep up with who we are as we evolve. We go through periods of great joy and periods of change, turmoil, agony and self-doubt as we sort out answers to questions like:
- What will make me happy?
- Why can't I be consistently energetic and focused every day of my life?
- Why do I get so easily distracted?
- Why do I say things I wish I could take back?
- Why can't I find a job or career that I really love?
- Why do I stay in a job I hate?
- What should I do with the rest of my life?
- What is my purpose?
- What are the talents I have and how can use them to make a living AND be happy?
- How do I get the courage to change?
- I used to love doing "xyz" but I don't anymore. Why?
And on and on. Some seekers embrace the journey, others struggle. Some seekers become so distraught, they are often told, "You think too much" too. Or maybe "you have ADD", or "you are depressed and need an antidepressant so you can cope with the way things are. "
I should, I should, I should...
Whatever labels people put on you, being a seeker isn't an easy journey. Seekers are often misunderstood and often feel lost. We get so many messages about what we "Should" be like, it's no wonder we become our own harshest critics. Media messages and images bombard us with images of the perfect home, the perfect family, the cool and hip places to be and things to wear. They portray this perfect way to be that most of us can't live up to. They make it seem like you should never have to feel depressed. You should always be in control of your anger. You should always have a clear goal and direction. And so you think there must be something terribly wrong with you if you can't be at least a reasonable facsimile of all this hip, cool, savvy perfection.
Is Depression Really Bad?
Sensitive seekers often take these critical messages to heart. Any flaw is taken as a sign there must be some "disorder". Well, come on. We are all human! If 40-50% of are depressed or exhibit signs of ADD....is it still an actual disorder? Maybe we are just having a natural reaction to living in a society filled with media "noise". A society where people are afraid to let their kids go outside and play alone. Where everyone locks their doors and no one can visit anyone without calling first. Where we only get exercise by going to the gym. Where manners are a forgotten art. Where models and celebrities are worshipped over people of character. (can you believe the top 20 most popular searches on the internet world wide are about celebrities and TV shows?)
Maybe it's normal to be depressed and stressed out in this very unnatural enviroment. The majority of us do experience depression, anger, self-doubt, distraction, and mood swings. As humans, we need to feel pain sometimes. It's a signal from our higher selves that we need to change something. It could be we need to change an attitude, a habit, or even a situation or relationship. If we numb ourselves with medication or addictive activities to avoid our pain, so that we can continue to stay in jobs or relationships that are eating us alive...how can we learn to listen to and strengthen our inner selves to find a way to gather the strength and courage to change? To figure out how to successfully make a living in this society while still be true to our selves?
Is it unstable? fear of commitment? or healthy change?
There are a lot of labels for people who change jobs and relationshops "frequently" in pursuit of the finding a life that they love. But to me, if you are truly following your heart, and learning and growing from each experience, then starting and stopping different jobs, projects, hobbies, and even relationships does not automatically make you "unstable", unable to commit, or a bad person. Your personal evolutionary path may be different from others, but that doesn't mean it's "wrong."
How do you know the difference between "different" and "unhealthy"?
There is no simple answer to that. But, if you ARE NOT able to take care of yourself, pay your own bills, maintain a home, or keep making the SAME mistakes, or if you are getting the SAME negative feedback from, and having the SAME problems with everyone, and don't get any wiser or feel any better, you probably aren't growing, and need professional support of some kind.
You may even need medication to stabilize you while you figure out a better way to reach your goals. But it's worth getting a second opinion before you assume there is something terribly wrong with you because you haven't found your path to bliss in life yet.
Finding a life you love, means learning to accept yourself as you ARE, and not overly dwelling on what you wish you were or think you "should" be. When you start to learn from your pain, that's when you begin to grow, make peace with yourself and others, and ultimately find your niche in the world.
Follow Your Heart
When I was in the process of making yet another career evolution in my life, a dear wise friend of mine said this to me.
"Are you following your heart? If you are, the people who would criticize you for that are probably not the kind of people who have acheived great happiness or accomplishments themselves. Some of the most creative people in the world have been through many incarnations and have multiple interests and professions. They continuously learn, change and act accordingly. Adaptation is a great survival skill. So as long as you keep learning and keep doing your best, go for it. The people who love you, your real friends will support you."
I'll never forget that. It was an amazing moment of clarification, self-acceptance and peace for me. So which are you? A Seeker or a Knower? Are you following your heart?
"What Should I Do with My life?"
If you are interested in this topic, check out this amazing book by Po Bronson called "What Should I Do with My Life?" He provides heartfelt stories of true seekers who took incredibly diverse paths to find their calling in life and answer the question "What should I do with my life?." From the depths of depression, welfare, abuse, and more, the people profiled by Po, took winding paths filled with change and courage to eventually find their bliss. It was a wonderful inspiration to me in answering that question for myself.
All the best,
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